Day 31: Club Championship Final

It's 6:50 AM on a Sunday in late August and my alarm is ringing. Unlike a work day I do not press snooze, and walk to the bathroom and shower like I've never showered before. Today is a big day. The Uplands Club Championship Final - the whole enchilada. My tee time is 8:22AM and I will be ready. I dress myself and shave my face. It is a pleasant morning and we may even see some sun today. I eat my eggo waffles in contemplative silence. I look at my dad, and with a quiet calm mutter "Let's get it done dad." He nodds his head and searches his pocket for his lucky green marker.

After an uneventful warmup the match gets started. Huston and I are joined by my dad who caddies for me, and Patrick Freeman who drives around in a golf cart as the "official". As we are only a twosome, we will play quicker than the rest of the course, so Patrick goes up ahead and tells people to get out of the way when we are coming through. Through this little trick the round takes less than 3.5 hours.

Club Championship Final: Crofton(1) vs. Hill(3) - The First 18
1. A huge gallery crowds the first tee to watch the Club Championship Finale. They have come to see the best players at the club in action. I hit first and snap hook a driver short left. The crowd checks their watches - was that guy really in the final? Huston hits second and blocks one into the trees right. He punches out to 150, while I punch out to 125. He then hits a great shot to 6 feet, and I hit a poor shot to 45 feet. I miss my par try and he makes his. 1-DOWN
2. Huston hits a good straight drive leaving 200 yards left. I hit it 50 yards past him down the right side of the fairway. He leaves it short right and I put it on the green about 20 feet. He chips to 5 feet, and I miss the birdie try. He makes his par save. 1-DOWN
3. I snap hook a 3-iron into the right trees, while Huston is safely down the fairway. I fluff the pitch-out leaving it in the left rough. I then hit a 9-iron to the side of the green. Huston is safely on but 35 feet. I hit a poor putt to 5 feet and Huston putts to only 2-feet. I miss the 4 foot bogey putt. Huston makes par. Rough start. 2-DOWN.
4. Huston hits a poor iron shot to short right. I hit a weak 5-iron but on the green 50 feet short. He chips to 12 feet. I hit a poor putt 6 feet below the hole. He misses the par try and I make my 6-footer. 1-DOWN
5. Huston hits a short drive down the middle and I hit a solid shot down the right shot. He hits a long iron just short right of the green. From a bare lie, I hit a 9-iron over the edge of the tree and spin it back to 20 feet. Huston chips to 6 feet. I miss the birdie try, and Huston misses the par save. ALL SQUARE
6. My hit drive clips the tree just right of the tee box but bounces down the fairway leaving 260 to the green. Huston is safely down the middle but quite short. He is just not a long hitter - rarely hitting it over 240 yards. I hit a good 5-wood just right of the green, while Huston hits it 15 yards short. He chips to 6 feet and I hit a poor chip to 20 feet. I miss the par putt and he makes. 1-DOWN.
7. Huston hits it down the fairway but short. I snap hook into the left trees. He hits his second shot safely down the fairway leaving about 140 to this par five. I punch a 4-iron through the left bunker leaving 240 yards in. I then hit a 3-iron to 20 yards short of the green. Huston hits a good 3rd shot to only 4 feet. I chip it to 5 feet. I roll in the par save and Huston misses his birdie try. 1-DOWN
8. Huston and I both drive it down the fairway - but I am my usual 30 yards past him. He hits it to 20 feet and I hit a good wedge to only 8 feet. He misses his putt and I roll in my birdie try. ALL SQUARE
9. I hit a good 4-iron to 12 feet and Huston hooks into left hand bunker. He hits a decent bunker shot to 8 feet. I miss my birdie try and he misses the par save. 1-UP

10. I hit a weak 3-iron down the right side. Huston is also down the right side but further up as he hit driver. I hit a PW to 20 feet. Huston puts it to 40 feet. He hits a poor putt and leaves it 5 feet short. I roll in the birdie putt. 2-UP
11. I hook a 6-iron through the back of the green, while Huston safely is in the middle. He two-putts. I putt from the rough but leave it 5 feet short. I miss the par save. 1-UP
12. I hit a good drive down the middle, while Huston is in the left rough. He hits his second short right, and I hit a 4-iron way right. My chip catches the slope and rolls 25 feet past. I make bogey. He misses an 8-foot par save. Hole halved. 1-UP
13. The short downhill 288 yard 13th is always an easy birdie hole. We both solid irons down the middle. I am in an old half-divot and decide to play a punch SW. Unfortunately I skull it over the green out of bounds and make double bogey. He makes a boring par. ALL SQUARE
14. I hit a very short 3-iron down left of fairway. He hits a good drive down the center. I try to hook a 4-iron around the corner but leave it to the right by a large oak tree. He hits it short in the front bunker. I chip it to 10 feet and he hits a horrible bunker shot just short of green. He then putts it 4 feet past. I miss my par save, and he misses his short bogey putt. I win the hole with bogey. 1-UP
15. This short dogleg right par 5 is always a good birdie chance. We both hit good irons safely to corner. He hits a cut around the corner near but not in the water. I am safely down the left side with my lay-up 2nd. He hits a poor wedge to 40 feet. I pull my LW into a tree left of the green. I chip it to 5 feet. He putts it 6 feet short and misses the par try. I make the par save. 2-UP
16. I push a 3-iron into the right trees. Huston hits a very weak shot very short into right rough. He hits a great long-iron to back of green. I hit a wonderful punch fade 7-iron from the right trees also to back of green. We both miss the 25 foot birdie tries. 2-UP
17. I hit a beautiful 7-iron to 5 feet directly above hole. Huston hits a good shot 25 feet short right of hole. He misses birdie try and I gently roll the downhill tricky putt in for birdie. 3-UP
18. I push another 3-iron into the right trees. Huston drives safely down the right rough but OK. I hit a punch-fade 4-iron from 170 with a restricted backswing to 8 feet. Huston hits his shot to 10 feet. He misses his birdie try but I make mine. 4-UP!

A fantastic turn of events at the end puts me in the driver's seat. For lunch, Jennny, Laura, Dermott, my mum, and Jade and Paige come up and join my dad and myself for lunch. Darryl sends along his wishes for a good round - though he doesn't come for lunch.

Club Championship Final: Crofton(1) vs. Hill(3) - The Final 18
1. After the 1.5 hour lay-off, I hit a beautiful driver down the middle - my best drive of the week! Huston also hits a good drive. He hits it to 35 feet and hit only a GW to 30 feet. He putts to 5 feet short and misses the par save. I putt to 3 feet short and also miss the par save. Strange. Huston is now joined by his wife who caddies for him. She has just completed play in the Women's Club Championship which was won by Dawn Sapalla. 4-UP
2. I pop-hook a driver short down the left side. He hits a driver gently to the right. I hit a 4-iron to back of the green while he is short right again. He gets up and down and I two-putt for par. 4-UP
3. I am sick of hitting a 3-iron into the trees so I play a cut driver instead. But I double-cross and pull hook it hard into the trees left. If it hadn't hit any trees it would have been 90 yards left of the fairway. I hit a good punch out to 160, then hit an 8-iron to 15 feet. Huston makes a routine par but I miss the par save. 3-UP
4. Huston hits a weak long-iron short right. I hit a solid 5-iron just over the back of the green, short siding myself to a back pin. I fluff the chip and don't even make the green. Huston hits a poor chip well short and makes bogey. I also make bogey. 3-UP
5. I snap hook a driver short left while Huston cold tops it down the middle. He hits a fairway wood 45 yards short right of the green. I hit a great 5-iron but it was not enough club and am 10 yards short of the green. He skulls a chip 50 feet past. I chip it to 10 feet. He putts it 6 feet past and makes the bogey putt, but I miss the par save. Hole halved. 3-UP
6. I snap hook a driver deep into the trees left. Huston hits a safe shot down the middle. I power hook a 4-iron from Sherwood Forest onto the very back of the green. Huston leaves his approach 15 yards short. He chips to 10 feet. I have a 90 foot putt with three bumps between me and the hole - so I hit a good putt to leave it only 5 feet. Huston misses the par save and I make mine. 4-UP
7. The 513 yard par five 7th hole is a birdie hole through and through. I snap hook a driver under a tree left (though not the same tree as the first round). Huston is safe down the right side. I punch through the fairway leaving 205 for my third from the right rough. Huston hits a safe iron down the middle - probably thinking I am in trouble. But I hit a cut punch 4-iron to 15 feet. He misses green with his 3rd and chips to 8 feet. I roll in the 15 footer for birdie. Huston mutters under his breath. It is all but over! 5-UP
8. The short par 4 8th is also an easy birdie hole. I snap hook a driver under a tree left. Huston is down the middle and hits it safely on the green with his second. I punch out to 55 yards and then hit a poor pitch to 30 feet. I miss my par and Huston easily two-putts. 4-UP
9. Huston hits a long-iron into the front left bunker again. I hit a good 4-iron hooking nicely to the pin, but it catches an overhanging branch and kicks right under a tree to the right. Bad break! I hit a poor chip to 15 feet and miss the putt. But Huston hits a poor bunker shot to 30 feet and also bogeys. 4-UP.

10. I hit a good 3-iron through the fairway. Huston hits a nice drive down the middle. I hit it to 40 feet short right, and Huston hits it to only 15 feet. I have a hugely breaking putt (right->left) and line it up for a long time before deciding on my line. But I forget to decide on my speed and roll it 8 feet past. Huston misses his birdie and then I miss my par save. 3-UP
11. The 171 yard par 3 11th is not a true birdie hole. Huston muffs it well short right. I hit it weakly to the center of the green, 60 feet from the back left pin. Huston hits his chip through the green. I putt it 5 feet short. He misses the par save and I calmly roll in my par save. 4-UP
12. I snap hook a driver deep into the trees left. Huston is safe down the right side but quite short. He hits it just right of the green. I hit a wonderful snap-hook 4-iron around the trees to only 25 yards short right of the green. No one else at Uplands could have played that shot! I chip it to 8 feet and he chips to 6 feet. I miss my par putt and he misses his. 4-UP
13. We both hit good irons down the middle. He hits a wedge to 20 feet and I hit a wedge to only 10 feet. After he misses his putt, I think "Make this putt and you're 5-up with 5 to go!" But I don't make the putt. 4-UP
14. We are now joined by a huge throng of spectators. I hit a 3-iron to the right rough - only 5 yards from the treacherous water hazard. He hits a good drive down the middle. I hit a towering 5-iron from 190 safely to the center of the green. This was a Hal Sutton "Be the right club today!" moment. Huston hits it poorly to the left but is right beside the green. He decides to try to chip his in, but rolls it 8 feet past. I lag the downhill putt 3 feet short. He misses his par try, leaving me the 3 footer for the win. Everyone expects me to make this putt - and I do! I win! I win!

I shake Huston's hand and walk over to my caddy and give him praise for helping me win. Strangely enough I do not cry. But I am very tired - it has been a mentally exhausting day.

We walk back to the clubhouse where everyone I meet congratulates me. I am smiling ear to ear! When we get inside, Huston presents me with a badge reading "Uplands Golf Club: Men's Club Champion 2004". Apparently, I am allowed to buy a sports jacket for $400 which the club will pay for - and I get to put the badge on the jacket! I also get to play in the RCGA Championship of Club Champions which will be somewhere in Ontario next June.

Closing Thoughts
To be honest - I didn't drive it very well at all in the last match (as you will note from all those "Snap hook left" comments) - but I don't care. I fought and I won. I have this championship now and no one can ever take it away from me.

I don't want to touch a golf club for a month now! I just want to rest, watch TV, and wait till April - when it all begins again.

Have a great autumn everyone!

- Geoff Crofton, Uplands Club Champion 2004

Day 30: Club Championship Semi-Final

This past weekend marked the conclusion of the Uplands Club Championship, one way or the other - and with it an end to the golfing year. It is true that some still play in September and October - but no one is watching - and there is no glory yet to be won. The autumn golfer simply dreams of April and the next golfing year - which will always be a triumph!

Saturday saw me face off against Don Woodland. The weather was decent - a bit cloudy and some wind - but no rain to speak of. Since the hole-by-hole summaries have proven popular, I will stick to this format.

SEMI-FINAL: Crofton(1) vs. Woodland (4)
1. Don and I both hit the fairway with nice drives. I look at my dad with a surpised look on my face. He hits to 25 feet, I hit an 8-iron to 20 feet. He makes his birdie, I miss. 1-DOWN
2. Don hits the fairway. I hit a decent drive but am in the left rough. He hits just short right of the green and I hit a horrible 8-iron into the bunker right. I hit a terrible bunker shot over the green, then miss the par try. Don chips in for birdie. 2-DOWN
3. I hook a 3-iron down the left side - Don is safely in the right rough and hits the green with his second. I miraculously have an opening and hit a PW to the right edge of the green and make par. Don makes par too. 2-DOWN
4. Don hits to 30 feet, and I hit a 5-iron to only 8 feet. He misses, I make the birdie. 1-DOWN
5. Don hits a good drive down the middle - I hit a decent drive down the left side. Don hits a poor approach short right - I hit a great PW 40 feet past the pin. Don gets up and down and I 2-putt. Hole halved. 1-DOWN
6. Don hits a very weak cut only 205 yards, leaving 250 to the long par 4 6th. I hit a good drive through the fairway leaving only 185 in. Don hits short of the green - but I power it well right of the green (horrible shot). I have a bad lie and hit a horrible chip to 30 feet. We both bogey. 1-DOWN
7. I hit a poor hook but am safe in left rough, while Don is safe down the right side rough. I hit a 6-iron down right side safely. Don hits his 3rd short just short of the green and misses the birdie try. I hit a LW to 15 feet and make the putt. Birdie. ALL SQUARE
8. We both hit good drives and safe second shots to not too close and make pars. ALL SQUARE
9. Don and I both hit just short of the green. I chip to 6 feet, he chips to 6.5 feet. He putts first and misses. I putt next and also miss. Sigh. ALL SQUARE

10. I decide to hit driver on this short par 4 but go into the left trees. Note to self - don't hit driver on 10. Don is to the right. He hits a terrible shot well left of the green - very dead. I hit a good punch shot just short of green. He chips to 30 feet and misses the putt to make a bogey. I putt from the fringe to 3 feet, then decide to miss the putt. Youch! ALL SQUARE
11. Don hits to 15 feet, I hit to 60 feet. I putt 5 feet past and Don misses his birdie try. But I make the par save! ALL SQUARE
12. We both hit good drives and good seconds to about 25 feet. We both make par. ALL SQUARE
13. We both hit safe irons. He hits a poor wedge to 30 feet, then I hit a poor wedge to 25 feet in right fringe. We both make par. ALL SQUARE
14. This is the most difficult hole at Uplands - a dogleg left 415 yard par 4. I hit a smother hook 3-iron into left rough short of corner. Don hooks a 3-wood into the left trees at the corner - completely dead. I hit an 8-iron over the trees to just short of the bunker by the green. Don punches out and then hits a wedge to 40 feet and makes bogey. I chip to 6 feet and make the putt for par! 1-UP!
15. I hit a safe 3-iron through the fairway left. Don is upset over the last hole and compounds his mistake by slicing a driver lost in a forest all alone to the right. Lost ball. He makes double bogey and I make a safe easy par. 2-UP!
16. I hit a good 3-iron down fairway, Don hits a 3-wood down fairway. I hit a PW to 8 feet and Don hits a PW to 15 feet. Don rolls in the birdie putt! I breathe deeply and roll in my putt on top of him. Game on Woodland! Still 2-UP
17. I hook a 6-iron into the front left bunker. Don hits a safe shot onto the green front right. I hit a great downhill bunker shot to 12 feet. Don makes an easy 2-putt par. I have a 12-foot uphill putt to win the match. I breathe deeply and remember my training. I slam it 3 feet past and don't touch the hole. 1-UP
18. Don hits a horrible hook driver into the trees left but kicks out into the fairway. Somebody up there likes him! I hit a good safe 3-iron down the fairway. He hits a "rescue club" from 200 yards to the back right of the green - about 30 feet. I hit a 7-iron from 185 (I am pumped up) to 40 feet left of the pin. I have a downhill 40 footer - and I think "2-putt this and you're in the final". After an interminable delay I cozy the slippery putt to only a foot, and when Don misses his birdie try, I have only to tap in for a victory and a trip to the final.

I am beaming from ear to ear at this point! My dad is happy as well and dances a jig.

In the other match, Huston Hill was 2-under through 15 holes and easily dispatched Ron Frolek 4&3. This set up the final: Hill vs. Crofton.

About Huston Hill:
Huston is the Men's Captain at Uplands. He is in his late forties and is an accountant. He has a chronic bad back and sometimes wears a back brace. He is a 2-time champion: 1997 and 2000. He beat me in the semi-final in 2000. The final would be played on Sunday and would be a 36 hole match.

Tune in to the next installment to see who won!

Day 29: Celebrate The World Cup of Hockey

This summer marks the 32nd anniversary of the Summit Series of 1972 - and if you're like me you remember exactly where you were when Paul Henderson scored the winning goal! And if you're like me you also don't remember who won the Stanley Cup that year (but suspect it was the Canadiens...)

So now we are blessed with the successor to its successor, the World Cup of Hockey. For two weeks we will see the best players play the best players in an exhibition of hockey at the very highest level. The Salt Lake Tournament was one of the highlights of hockey over the last 10 years - who can forget that Belarus/Sweden match? And who can forget the dynamite play of Burnaby's own Joe Sakic? Yes - these are good days to be alive. Even Mario Lemieux at the age of 39 has shaken off the rust of an injurious season and got into top shape. Why did he do this? Why did any of the players do this? For the money?

No - it is not for the money. These guys are not getting paid to play!

Now for an unpleasant fact.
1) There will be no more hockey till after Christmas

It is true, the owners and players are taking dead aim at their own ankles and are about to pull the trigger. But let us not lose sight of who is to blame - the owners paid out every one of those contracts. But the system is broken right? Wrong. Every year a new cinderella team (remember Anaheim? Calgary? Carolina?) seems to make it to the Stanley Cup Final - and every year the NY Rangers miss the playoffs with a high payroll. No - there is no substitute for hockey smarts and good management. The problem is not money but incompetence. And to those incompetent owners? You deserve it. Suffer.

But the players are making too much! You'll be surprised to learn that I agree. That is why the system is already correcting itself! Remember when Tkachuk signed for about $11 million a year a few years back? Well - he'd never get that now. The owners already are paying players less than a couple years ago. The system works!

There are a couple of things they should tweak to be sure - but the owners should stop pushing for wholesale destructive changes and a "salary cap" and let the players play - it's what they want to do.

But until then - let's enjoy the World Cup of Hockey. It is sport at its purest. The game we love. I am Canadian! What are you Glenn?

"Oh! The good old hockey game,
Is the best game you can name;
And the best game you can name,
Is the good old hockey game!"

Day 28: The Path of Success

This blog entry is a followup to the Roggles/Glenn/Gilman Olympic blogs which you can find here, here, or even here. Rather than fill up your blogs with more and more comments, I've created a rant of my own. It also veers off-topic but I'm allowed to do this in my own blog.

To Roggles: Well said! I am a happy cat that you have come out on the side of right rather than wrong. It is amazing what Lori-Ann Muenzer accomplished - and not amazing because she competed to an old age after all those hardships - but amazing because she did all this and then won the gold.

For here is my rant: It is not enough to simply compete.

Do not say of some heroic Olympic athlete "simply being here is accomplishment enough". I am not a top athlete but I have competed at somewhat high levels in some sports (OK - I'm talking about golf), and I can tell you that no athlete in the world is ever "happy to just be there". Any time you step out onto the field you want to win, and if in your heart you know you can't win, then you want to learn enough so that you can win next time. If you want to "just be there", then buy a ticket and watch from the stands with the other lazy feel-good do-nothings who don't know how to excel at anything. Sport is about work, accomplishment, and achievement. If you work your buns out, get to a high level, and then lose the big match - then you have failed. You shouldn't have let that happen. You should have worked harder. Eventually you should reflect on your impressive achievement, gain some perspective and realize that it was good to be there - but not at that moment. Not for a while. I would hope that you would feel terrible. Failure should not be fun.

One more thing: family tragedies and world crises (e.g. 9/11) do not put sport in its place. Sport is already in its proper place - and it's a good respectable important place. If I'm going to spend hours and hours playing or watching something - it's pretty silly to say "It's not important". Well quilting isn't important to me but that's why I ignore it. But the sports I like ARE important - otherwise I wouldn't pay attention to them. Now here's a news flash - your life and family ARE MORE important than your sports. I know this and it is not going to one day surprise me when I decide that my dad's health is more important than whether the Canucks beat the Mighty Ducks on March 7th.

But still you see it in all sports. Some guy at the top of his game (e.g. David Duval) will suddenly decide that his sport is not important and family is more important. Well guess what. That player is done. You can't excel at a sport once you don't think it's important.

So gain some perspective people. There is nothing wrong with really wanting to succeed at something that seems mundane and "unimportant in the great scheme of things". It is through such details that all the successes in our modern world were achieved.

Day 27: On Snowy

I would like to take this opportunity to tell the story of the cat that this website is named for: Snowy.



Snowy was an average-sized female white cat with one blue and one yellow eye. Snowy came to our home when I was 11 when we looked after her over the Christmas holidays in 1984. She was born on Sep. 30, 1984 and came from an old friend of my mother's who lived nearby. We already had two cats (Polly and Mary) - but they were relatively old and sedate at this point in their lives - so it was a new experience to have a kitten to play with - and Snowy was no ordinary kitten - she was wild to the core. She could have been a gymnast - or a wrestler - in fact she loved to wrestle with a monkey hand puppet named George.

After the Christmas break, we sent Snowy back to her owners - an event that made me very unhappy - and I cried and cried and cried (this is a talent that has stayed with me through the years...). Fortunately, a couple of months later, she "wasn't working out" with the family she was with and my mum was able to bring her home. They simply couldn't handle a cat with this much energy and zest for life.

In the beginning, Snowy led an uneasy coexistence with our older cats - for she liked to be top cat - and sometimes would harass Polly and Mary. These encounters we called the "Puma Wars". But eventually they worked things out and Snowy fit into our family.

Snowy did not like staying in the house. We originally kept her as an indoor cat - but she was simply not suited for a sedate lifestyle. She was an escapologist through and through. A second storey window was no challenge to Snowy - and if we ever had a visitor to the house, Snowy could sense it and inevitably despite being warned about Snowy, they would end up letting Snowy out when they left. Looking for Snowy once she got out was always entertaining - she often wouldn't stray far but you only ever brought her inside when she was ready to come in.

Eventually I convinced my mum that Snowy was simply not meant to "live in a cage" and needed to be outdoors. I said that even if she died in a car accident at 5 - she needed to have the outside world in her life - or she would be miserable all the time. It is interesting that none of our other cats had this burning need to be outdoors. If Benjamin ever escaped, you could simply walk up to him and say "Hello Benjamin", grab him, and bring him back indoors.

Snowy's voyages outdoors may have been fun for her, but they were probably not recalled with much fondness by the neighbourhood bird population. For Snowy was a huntress par excellence. We remain convinced that the mother birds still tell tales of the "evil white demon" who would come and snatch little birds away if you ever let your guard down.

Shortly after Snowy joined our family, Benjamin (May 30, 1985) also came to stay. He belonged to a former music teacher who owned around 20 cats. We christened our new friend "Benjamin George" as he was to be a real-life George for Snowy to play with. Though Benjamin eventually grew to be far bigger and stronger than Snowy, he never forgot those early lessons on who was boss.



Interestingly we knew both Snowy's mother "Baggie" and Benjamin's mother "Ruby". And the apple didn't fall far from the tree in either case. Ruby was just as fat and lazy as Benjamin, while Baggie was a huntress like Snowy. Our last cat "Dexter" joined us in the fall of 1985. Sadly, I have no pictures of him at the website - I hope to correct this! So for a short time we had 5 cats in our house - but Mary soon passed on in 1987, followed by Polly in 1988 and we were down to 3.

Snowy was a wild huntress outdoors, but a friendly lovable cat indoors. She was always a lap cat and liked having people around. She was not a shy cat and enjoyed meeting new people - even children held no horror for her. She was part Siamese and was also a talkative cat. I had a penchant for talking to our cats and could usually convince her to talk back. The trick was to walk up behind her and surprise her. For example:
GPC: "Hello Snowy!"
(walks up behind Snowy and touches her back)
Snowy: "Puurrrppp!"

Snowy generally liked to sleep with me in my bed - though she usually tried to steal the entire pillow. I was firm with her though - and convinced her that the pillow was mine - by getting an extra pillow for her to have - though she still preferred the warm one.



Over the years as Snowy aged, she did mellow a little - but remained athletic and wild to the core. Of all the people in our family, I think she preferred my dad the best. My dad was mildly allergic to cats and was not a "big fan" of having cats in the first place (my mum can take credit for this) but he had what Snowy treasured most of all - a nice big warm belly (more so in those days). If you were lying down watching TV and Snowy came into the room - you were always second best when my dad's lap was around. My dad grew to accept this state of affairs and considered Snowy a "special" cat.

Unfortunately Dexter died of kidney failure in 1992 while I was away on a work term in Fort Saskatchewan. Dexter was a frightened cat who was terrified of new people, but very friendly to those he knew. His death was a harsh blow to Benjamin - for he and Dexter were as close as brothers, but I don't think that Snowy mourned. She and Dexter had an uneasy rivalry with Dexter usually on top. Dexter was also bigger and stronger than Snowy, but unlike Benjamin, he didn't mind asserting it. Sometimes he would actually decide to fight Snowy, and Benjamin being a classic follower would help out! But once Dexter was gone, Benjamin and Snowy reverted to their earlier relationship with Snowy being the boss.

Eventually the time came for me to move away from home, and I moved from Victoria to Vancouver for work. Leaving my family wasn't too great a hardship - but I had a tough time accepting that I would be leaving Snowy behind. When I came home to visit (which was admittedly frequent), the first thing I would do was look for the cats. Benjamin wouldn't react with much interest - but Snowy would usually come running and seemed happy to say hello.

As Snowy reached 12, 13, 14, 15 years old - I knew that eventually her time would have to run out. We could see Benjamin aging (and he had diabetes) - so to see Benjamin go would not really be unexpected. But Snowy was somehow ageless - and maintained the attitude of a younger cat almost until the end. At the final Christmas before her passing (2000), I told my brother that though I thought Benjamin wouldn't last the year - but that Snowy had at least 2-3 years to go. As it turned out, they would both be gone within 12 months.

The last time I saw Snowy was at Easter 2001. We played a hide-and-seek game with my eldest niece Jade (who was almost 3). Sometimes Snowy and I would hide, and sometimes Snowy and I would look for Jade (and Dermott). Jade called Snowy "No-ey".

And then it happened - a few weeks later I was at work when my mum called me to tell me that Snowy's kidneys had gone, she had lost her energy and had stopped eating. I remember I was actually working on some god-awful project at the time that required me to be at work for 24 hours straight so was already in a rotten mood. I told my mum that I accepted what had to be done - but I was sorry that I wouldn't get to see her again. So I insisted on saying my goodbye to Snowy over the phone (yes I am crazy). I remember I told her "Good luck." I don't know why I said that. My dad also cried like a baby when she was finally put to sleep.

Benjamin followed Snowy about 6 months later - and for the first time ever my parents' house had no cats. Three years later, this still doesn't seem right.

I have always been a bit intense in my emotions and have difficulty "moving on" from emotional experiences. I confess that to this day just thinking about Snowy will make me cry (even at work!). I know I should be happy that she lived a full, productive and happy life - and I should happily celebrate her well-lived life - but I guess that I am just not that way. I somehow feel that a little something in me died with Snowy - perhaps a connection to my innocent childhood. I know it's just me now - and there is no safe sanctuary to which I can return. I know that it's selfish to feel this way - I'm not crying for Snowy - I'm really crying for what I've lost. Still I always feel both nostalgic and melancholic when I remember Snowy. People wonder how I can feel more emotional about "a cat" than I do about people (well almost all people). I guess a cat never talks back except in words you give them, so you're never disappointed by them. Everything is always perfect. But really if you have to ask me that - you just didn't know Snowy.

So raise a glass with me:
To Snowy!



Special thanks to skraba.com for the pictures.

Day 26: Slippers Enjoys the Rain

Slippers eyed the small puddles forming outside his window with glee - for he liked rain. He really liked it. He loved water and being wet. Chance thought it was a bit daft for a cat to like water so much, but Slippers didn't care what anyone else thought!

"Rain is just one big tap!" observed Slippers. "I love it!"

Slippers swatted at the rain for a couple of hours before dinner. After dinner he went back outside and swatted the rain some more.

"Rain is great!"

Chance nodded - he agreed!

Day 25: Chance and Slippers Dislike Golf

"What are you watching Chance?" asked Slippers.

"Just some golf on the TV. They hit a little white ball around which I like to chase sometimes."

Slippers and Chance stared at the TV as the host interviewed Tim Finchem, who pronounced the tournament "a success".

"This is quite boring," suggested Slippers.

"Well - when they hit it - it's more exciting... I suppose."

At that moment Geoffrey arrived for his visit and immediately started to give the cats a hole by hole description of a mediocre round.

Chance barely suppressed a yawn, while Slippers immediately walked off into the bathroom where a tap was running.

"Then I hit it to 8 feet and made the putt!" droned on poor Geoffrey. Very sad.

Day 24: Uplands Club Championship Update

Hello - this is not the continuing adventures of Chance and Slippers but a golf report from the first two rounds of the Uplands Club Championship. Read on only if you dare.

I qualified 1st for the match play portion of the Uplands Club Championship. My first round opponent was the 16th seed Vic Bley. He didn't have his 11 year old grandson for him, but I had my 66 year old father caddying for me! I played with Vic (and Ron Guy) in both qualifying rounds so I knew I could beat him, and I knew that he knew I could beat him. This is an advantage. The conditions were wet, wet, wet - intermittent rain becoming very heavy on the 15th hole when standing water became visible on the greens.

The First Match
1. Driver down middle, 5-iron beside green. Hole 40 foot chip. Birdie. Vic mutters under his breath. 1-UP
2. Driver hooked left. 5-iron to green. Vic hits right, then punches out, then hits in bunker, then skulls bunker shot. He picks up. 2-UP
3. 3-iron duck-hooked into trees. 6-iron over trees to short of green. Poor chip to 20-feet. Miss. Vic also bogeys. 2-UP
4. 4-iron to 20 feet. Vic hits to 15-feet. I make putt for birdie - Vic misses. 3-up
5. Driver down left rough - boring pars from us both. 3-UP
6. Driver hooked into trees - punch out, then pitch to 20 feet. But Vic holes 25 footer for par and I miss. 2-UP
7. Driver down fairway. 3-iron to 20yds short of green. Lip out the chip shot. Vic misses 10 footer for birdie. 3-UP
8. Driver into left trees. Hit SW over trees to 80 feet. Roll first putt 10 feet by and miss coming back. Vic makes par. 2-UP
9. 4-iron into bunker. Bunker shot to 6 feet. Vic hits short, then fluffs chip, then lags putt. I miss 6-foot par putt. Vic misses 4-foot bogey putt. 3-UP
10. I hit 3-iron PW over back of green. Vic hits to 10 feet. I get up and down and Vic misses birdie try. 3-UP
11. Vic goes in bunker, I hit to 30 feet. Vic makes bogey, I make par. 4-UP.
12. Vic hits down left trees and punches out. I hit driver/6-iron to 40 feet feet and make par. He makes nice par save from 20 yds short. 4-UP
13. We both make easy pars. 4-UP
14. I hit 3-iron down middle - Vic is in trouble left. He chips out, then hits great wedge to 8 feet. I hit 5-iron to 40 feet and putt down to 3 feet. Vic misses 8 footer and then gives me my putt to win match 5&4!
15. At this point my caddy left me and I said "I'll finish the round!" - but the skies opened up and it became biblically wet. So I walked around with an umbrella watching Ron Guy and Wayne Little battle it out.

First Match Reflections:
I defeated Vic 5&4 (5 up with 4 holes to go). I played decently and was 1 over through 14 holes. I am pleased with most things (except the 3-putt on 8) but am safely through to the next round.

Other First Round Matches:
2 Frolek d. 15 Glencross
3 Hill d. 14 Fedoruk
4 Woodland d. 13 Norton
5 Tuttle withdrew against 12 Trenholm after 5 holes - he had a bad hip.
11 Barrodale d. 6 Chawrun - so there will be a new champion (why not me?)
7 Morgan birdies 17/18 to beat 10 Ralph 1-up.
8 R. Guy d. 9 W. Little in 22 holes

My second round opponent was Ron Guy. It didn't rain on Sunday but it was very, very windy. My dad caddied for me again but perhaps heeding what happened to Gary Tuttle decided to get a power cart (he has hip replacement coming up in his future). I walked rather than ride with him.

The Second Match
1. Driver thin down middle, 5-iron to front fringe. 2 putts: Par. Ron hits good drive but hits second into bunker and does not make par. 1-UP
2. Good driver down left rough - Ron skyhooks into left trees then punches out. I hit smooth 8-iron into bunker and make bogey (Ron makes bogey too). 1-UP
3. I hit 3-iron into left trees. Ron is in left trees too but has opening and hits green (35 feet). I punch out to 50 yards short then skull wedge to 30 feet. Ron leaves birdie putt 4 feet short. I hit par putt to 2-feet which is conceded. Ron misses 4-footer for par. 1-UP
4. I hit 6-iron to 40 feet. Ron hits in short right bunker. He hits chip to 12 feet and misses par save. I make par. 2-UP.
5. I hit driver weakly down left rough. Ron hits down middle. I hit 4-iron to beside green - but fail to get up and down. Ron 2-putts for par. 1-UP
6. I hit driver thin down middle. Ron hits good drive down middle. I fluff 3-iron weakly to right. Ron skanks a shot into right trees. I pitch to 20 feet and miss putt, Ron hits great chip to 2 feet. I make bogey. ALL SQUARE
7. I hook driver into left trees. Ron is down the middle. I overhook 4-iron into big tree 115 short left of green. Ron lays up to 100 yards. I try to hit 7-iron punch shot from under tree but hit some branches and only advance the ball 2-feet. I regroup and punch next shot to 2$ feet. Ron hits to 40 feet and misses birdie putt. I roll in 25 footer for par. ALL SQUARE
8. I hook driver into left rough. Ron hooks way left into trees. He hits tree on second shot staying short of bunker. I hit GW to 6 feet. He chips to 20 feet then misses par putt. My putt is conceded. 1-UP
9. I hit good 4-iron to 20 feet. Ron is 40 feet right of hole. He putts to gimme range. I leave downhill putt 3 feet short, then miss the par putt. ALL SQUARE
10. I hit thin 3-iron down fairway. Ron hooks into left trees. I hit 8-iron to 40 feet. He punches low runner down fairway to only 5 feet. I make par, Ron misses short birdie try. ALL SQUARE
11. Ron hits tree short right on tee shot, stays 25 yards short. I hit 7-iron to 60 feet. He chips to 1 foot. I putt to 4 feet then make par save. ALL SQUARE.
12. We both hit good drives down left rough. I hit 6-iron to 50 feet past pin - he leaves it 15 yards short. He chips to 8 feet. I putt to 4 feet. He makes par putt, I make par putt. ALL SQUARE
13. I hit good 4-iron down right side (just short of water!). He hits poor shot down left side but is OK. He hits to just short of green. I hit to 8 feet. He makes nice up and down - but I roll in birdie putt! 1-UP
14. I hit good 3-iron down fairway. He hits good driver just into right rough (30 yards past me). I hit 6-iron to 30 feet. He airmails 7-iron 20 yards over the green. He doesn't reach green on chip shot, but then gets up and down for bogey. I putt 3-feet short but make par putt. 2-UP
15. I hit 3-iron right into trees. He hooks 3-wood safe down left side. I hit provisional 3-iron deeper into the woods. I find first ball, then punch out to 225. He hits safely down fairway. I scuff a 3-iron short right into the water. He hits right of green and chips to 5 feet. I hit LW to 8 feet but lip out putt. Double bogey 7. 1-UP
16. He chunks 3-iron 140 yards down right side. I snap-hook 3-iron into woods left. I hit a provisional and snap hook it as well. I find ball and punch out to 75 yards. He hits long-iron to just left of green. I scuff LW and leave short of green (to dangerous front pin). I chip to 10-feet past - he chips to 5-feet. I make 10 foot bogey putt, and he misses 5-foot par putt. 1-UP
17. He hits 6-iron takes a huge hop off a hill and goes 40 yards over back of green (it was downwind). I hit 8-iron just over the back left of green - almost blocked out by a tree. He scuffs chip and leaves short. I hit 7-iron runner to 6 feet. He hits next chip (from beside tree) to 15 feet, then misses putt. He concedes my par putt, but I putt it anyway and make it. Geoff wins 2&1.

I defeated him 2&1 - not so easily. I played very poorly (7 over through 17 holes) - but good enough to win which is what counts. I definitely made more putts than he did! I guess I have some practicing to do this week - it would be nice to hit fairways.

Other Second Round Matches:
Woodland d. Trenhom 6&5
Hill d. Barrodale (extra holes)
Frolek d. Morgan

So I advance to the semi-finals next week against Don Woodland. He is a good player so I'll have to play well to win - but there's no reason why I can't do it.

That's all for this week - I'll talk to you soon.

Day 23: What Slippers Learned About Cuthbert Ward

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! The pounding at the door continued. The figures wrestled with the door knob and even tried to insert a key - but they were unsuccessful and the door did not budge. Slippers heard strange guttural rumblings and at least one anguished cry of "Confounded cats!". The pacing in the hallway was irregular to say the least and Slippers hestitated to imagine the sort of appendages making these noises.

"What can we do Slippers?"

Eventually the rumblings diminished and the hall fell silent. Slippers breathed a heavy sigh of relief. But a moment later, a new sound came from the hallway - this time the friendly sound of human voices.

"BumblyBee is back!" shouted Chance.

The door opened. "Hello boys! Did you have a good day? Who wants chicken!"

"Oh - I do!" answered Chance. Slippers licked his lips - for that chicken did smell good. But he didn't waste any time. "Who is Cuthbert Ward? And why do you look like Priscilla Ward?"

BumblyBee was silent. She had not expected to have this conversation with the cats.

"We do not discuss Cuthbert Ward. But Priscilla Ward is my dear great-grandmother - her daughter Norleen was my grandmother. I have been told I bear a resemblance to her - but I don't really see it to be honest." Slippers shook his head - for the resemblance was exact.

"And Cuthbert's diary?"

"I just like old books - though it is a bit musty - maybe I should throw it away."

"I wouldn't do that..."

Slippers smiled and eyed BumblyBee suspiciously. She smiled and appeared quite content, but there was a look in her eyes - something a little too 19th century for Slippers's tastes. This situation would need to be monitored.

"But what about the chicken?" Chance asked, now bursting with hunger.

"Yes Chance! Let us sup on this fresh fowl and speak no more of little Cuthbert Ward." BumblyBee shook her head determinedly, "...ummm I mean to say - 'Let's eat the chicken!'"

"If you've got chicken, then I will eat it!" sang Chance, waving his paw as if he was conducting an orchestra. Slippers sighed for he was also happy to have the food.

"Eat well, my cats, eat well..."

Day 22: Chance Discovers a Clue

"I want to defeat these creatures quickly so I can get back to my old life," sighed Chance.

"I'm with you brother," affirmed Slippers. "Now let's split up and look for clues."

With BumblyBee at work, the cats had the run of the place. Now normally this involved a lot of napping, stretching, and sleeping, but today would be different. They pawed through every nook and cranny of the apartment searching for the mysterious object that Gilman and his sinister friend coveted.

Just when they were on the verge of hopelessness, Chance discovered a clue. "Could this be what they're after?"

"Hmmm..." thought Slippers. "The personal diary of C. D. Ward. This does look suspicious. Why would BumblyBee have this?"

With his left front paw, Chance opened the book to page 1 - and tucked in the inside cover he saw something which changed his view of things instantly. For there was an innocent picture of a young Cuthbert Ward standing beside his dear mother Priscilla. Now if Chance didn't know that the picture was taken 105 years ago in Newburyport, Massuchetts, he'd have sworn that THE WOMAN IN THE PICTURE WAS BUMBLYBEE.

"My word!" shouted Slippers, just as there was a knock at the door.

Day 21: Chance and Slippers Battle Tin-Foiled

"That was a close call last night," said Slippers. "We may not be so lucky next time. We must remain vigilant."

"I agree," said Chance, "but what was that creature? I know that it was hideously loathsome and strangely aquatic - now surely such things should not be?"

"It is a denizen of Innsmouth and answers to the name of Gilman. But to whom it answers, I prefer not to know. Let us try to enjoy the day - for the night will not be so pleasant."

A refreshing nap was had by both cats in the sunny afternoon, and their tuna dinner proved delicious. But it was a nervous feast, and night arrived all too early. "Stay at your post!" urged Chance.

Slippers jumped onto the window sill to survey the neighbourhood and immediately spotted Gilman cavorting in the alley below. But this time it was not alone. A tall and gangly gentleman, with a professorial bearing, stood beside him. He remained motionless and stared directly at, into, and through Slippers, sending a chill down the back of his neck.

"What could they possibly want?" asked Chance.

"I suspect that BumblyBee owns something of value to them - something that she may not realize she has. Possibly a forgotten family heirloom. We must not let them get it."

The night continued in the same manner as the previous night with Slippers maintaining an unblinking guard at the window, while Chance protected the human occupant of the dwelling, who slept peacefully. Slippers did not know why, but he could sense the odd gentleman becoming annoyed by the wait, though he simply stayed on the landing staring menacingly upwards. By dawn's first light, the figures had disappeared. Slippers had no doubt that they would return.

"We must unlock the mystery and rid ourselves of these troublesome visitors!"

Day 20: Chance and Slippers Battle Gilman

The fishy intruder lurked beneath the balcony under Slippers's watchful eye. Despite his excellent feline night vision, Slippers could only catch faint glimpses of the horrifying visitor - and these conjured horrible echoes of a long-ago age best forgotten. The creature cackled strange epigrams as it shambled back and forth looking skyward as if receiving instructions on how to enter the building. Slippers knew that this could not be allowed to happen. For all cats possess an innate distrust of such creatures, and Slippers and Chance were no different. Though his very fur stood on end, Slippers stood his ground against the loathsome creature and the evil it was plotting.

"Don't let it out of your sight, Slippers!" Chance exhorted as he sat on BumblyBee's bed protecting her with his very presence.

So BumblyBee slept comfortably in her bed, unaware of the horrors lurking about. She would be safe on this night, for Slippers and Chance were up to the challenge presented by the sinister figure below. They did not let their guard down, and eventually the creature disappeared upon the arrival of the early morning summer sun. Slippers shuddered as he imagined the horrors that could have befallen the house if it had remained catless.

"Good morning Chance, are you ready for some breakfast?"

"You bet I am! Fill the bowl to the top!"

Day Nineteen: Chance Watches Television

"I enjoy watching table tennis," Chance observed as his eyes followed the little white ball back and forth. This was a skill that cats are especially well suited for, he decided.

"Please let me know when I can change the channel," queried BumblyBee who was quite tired of the repetitive ping pong action. She suspected that there was a quality reality program on somewhere else.

"Please - just a few points more," pleaded Chance who was now getting really into it. "Hang on! I think I've got this one!" He rose to his feet, cocked his head to one side, and ferociously swatted the TV undaintily, falling over in a huff. Slippers giggled.

BumblyBee simply shook her head, "I told you once already Chance - you can't get the ball - it's on TV."

"Oh - I know you're right - but I really thought I had that one."

The paddles continued to bash the ball back and forth while Chance watched expectantly. "Maybe next time," he thought to himself.

Day Eighteen: Chance and Slippers go to the Olympics

"It's great to be here at the Olympics!" declared Slippers. "What a beautiful stadium!" And it was filled to capacity!

"What are those people doing in that sandbox?" queried Chance.

"Oh Chance - don't you know anything? That's the Triple Jump. They do a hop, skip, and jump and go really far!"

"Well I hope that they don't dig too deep, because I used that sandbox earlier!"

At that very moment, the svelte Swede Christian Olsson raced down the runway and with a superhuman flourish zoomed through the air. He sailed for what seemed like hours, and landed with a thump - tantalizingly close to the world record. Chance and Slippers sat on the edge of their seats in both awe and marvelment. "This is exciting," noted Slippers.

But as the athlete left the sandpit, he looked disgustingly at the bottom of his shoe, which now carried a little something extra. All eyes turned towards the cat in Section 210.

"Chance!"

"Oh, I'm sorry BumblyBee."

"Don't worry," counseled Nutmilk. "The same thing happened to me and my cats in Barcelona."

And then they all had ice cream.

Day Seventeen: Chance and Slippers at the Park

"There are many interesting people here in the park," reflected Slippers. "Look at that fat old man with the pipe."

"I wonder if he'll blow bubbles - I like bubbles!"

"Oh Chance - I think he's just smoking tobacco. It is a filthy human habit." Slippers stared wistfully at the fluffy clouds on this beautiful August day.

At this moment, BumblyBee came walking down the bike trail with a man and his dog.

"Now boys - I'd like you to meet my new friend Antonio!"

"What a-lovely cats you have-a BumblyBee!" offered the somehow stereotypically Italian Antonio.

"Oh brother," thought Slippers, "we've got a live one here."

"May I-a pet your tummy?"

"Sure thing!" purred Chance, rolling over onto his back. Antonio gave Chance a nice belly rub causing Chance's purr to reach seismic levels.

"You have a beautiful kittycat - and a North American super-size no less!"

"It's all muscle!" boasted Chance, though this was a lie.

"And this is my dog, Giuseppi - but I'm afraid that he doesn't speak-a the English."

"Ruff!" howled Giuseppi.

But despite the language differences, the dog, cats, and humans enjoyed a sunny afternoon in the park. The hours passed slowly yet peacefully. But eventually all good days must end.

"I want to go home and eat cat food!" pleaded Chance.

Everyone laughed. Then Chance and Slippers went home and had a delicious dinner.

Day Sixteen: Chance and Slippers go to the Park

"Good day Slippers!" purred Chance as he looked up from the water dish. Slippers was a bit groggy from a night spent in BumblyBee's sink and was quietly washing himself.

"You'd think after sleeping in a sink I wouldn't need water, but yet here I am!" laughed Slippers as he lapped up the cool wet liquid which gives life to us all. Having satisfied his thirst, he looked to the food dish for some breakfast - but it was barren. "Chance!"

Chance looked about sheepishly for he had eaten Slippers's breakfast yet again.

"I'm sure BumblyBee will be back with a refill soon," he offered helplessly.

The crashing of the door heralded the return of their new mistress.

"Now who wants to go to the park?" a bright-eyed BumblyBee suggested as she held out two shiny new leashes with her right hand. The cats had already received cute new flea collars.

Chance and Slippers rolled their eyes. Was BumblyBee treating them like dogs?

"And who wants catnip!" continued BumblyBee as she proffered two cute toy mice with her left hand.

"I think she's learning fast!" declared Slippers as he raised his right paw.

And off to the park they went.

Day Fifteen: Mission Accomplished

This past weekend saw the qualifying rounds for the Uplands Club Championship in Victoria. I will keep this blog entry shorter than my previous epics so that even Roggles can get through it without emailing me asking for a "summary". And if this is still too long - you can just read the helpful headers as you scroll down the file.

I went into the tournament with a sizeable booster club who think this might be "my year". Like Arnold Palmer at the PGA, there are those who think that the catalog of champions is diminished by my absence - but there is time to correct this - for unlike the aged Palmer I have many good years left in me!

Cast of Characters - Who's Out
Steve Swonnell - 2001 champion - this young man may have turned pro. Ryan Krisko (the Rivershore Champion) when learning I was from Uplands asked about "Swanny" and described him as a "nut". Easily the most talented player at Uplands - good to not have to face him.
Wally Vogelsang - 2002 champion. My arch-nemesis decided not to play this year! I am delighted as he has beat me 3 times (1998,1999,2002 all quarterfinals) in this tournament.
Dick Boss - the 8-capper who beat me in the first round last year has decided not to play. I am disappointed as I wanted another crack at him!
Briefly Noted: Gord Hahn, Jim Ryan (I beat him in 2000 first round in extra holes)

Cast of Characters - Who's In
Huston Hill - 2000 champion, 2001 runner-up (defeated me in 2001 semi-final)
Marc Chawrun - 2003 champion (I defeated him in 2002 first round). Young guy.
Gary Tuttle - 1999 champion, 1997 runner-up (defeated me in 1997 semi-final). Old guy.
Ben Griffin - 2003 medalist and quarterfinal loser. Young kid with 0 handicap
Wayne Little - 1998 champion (I defeated him in 1997 quarterfinal)
Geoff Crofton - perennial also-ran
Don Woodland - 2002 runner-up (I defeated him in 1999 first round, 2000 quarterfinal)
John Sappala - 2003 runner-up (I defeated him in 2001 quarterfinal)
Ron Frolek - 2000 runner-up (defeated me in 2000 semi-final)
Dr. Ron Guy - used to live 4 houses down from Peter on San Juan
Dave Morgan - Mt. Doug teacher (I defeated him in 1998 first round)
Mark Crofton - 4 time Saltspring Club Champion

The Golf Course: Conditions Excellent
The greens were fast - though not as fast as I'd like - but very true. There was some water on the course at the start due to an unfortunate 8:30 start time - so it started out soft. The second day was windy but the first day was not. The winds dried out the course on day two. For the qualfying rounds we played the shorter blue tees (6100 yards). The match play portion will be off the gold tees - which plays a bit longer (6400 yards) and doesn't concern me in the slightest as I am longer than most of the others.

The First Round: Front Nine 37
I decided to start the first round by bogeying 4 of the first 5 holes - but with the lone non-bogey being a birdie on #2, I found myself 3-over through 5 holes. I add a birdie on #8 and salvage a 37 (2-over) front nine. I don't have my A Game and I know it - the ball is going sideways off the tee.

The First Round: Back Nine 35
After clawing my way to a 37, I start off #10 with a three-putt from only 30 feet - youch. But I make a nice birdie on the difficult 14th draining a 40 footer, then roll in a brutal downhill 20 footer on 16 to get all the way back to 1-over. A disappointing bogey on 18 after a good drive and I shoot 72. A good start.

The First Round: Reflections on a 72
I sit in 3rd place through day one. Here is the leader board:
1. Ron Frolek 70
2. Ben Griffin 71
T3. Geoff Crofton 72
T3. Huston Hill 72
T3. Don Woodland 72
6. Marc Chawrun 74
??. Mark Crofton 89

The Second Round: Front Nine 35
Since this is a good round - I am going to go hole by hole. You can skip this if you don't care.
#1 430 Par4: I hit my drive into the right trees - but it kicked out into edge of fairway. I hit a 5-iron to 2 feet. Birdie
#2 400 Par4: I hook my drive into the left trees. I punch a 9-iron under the limbs to 12 feet. Birdie.
#3 352 Par4. I hit a 3-iron into the right rough, then airmail a 9-iron over the back into the trees. Impossible shot. I hit it to 8 feet and make the putt. Par.
#4 177 Par3. I hit a 6-iron to 40 feet. Par.
#5 384 Par4. I hook a driver into the left rough. I hit a 5-iron to 30 feet past the pin. Par.
#6 432 Par4. I hook a driver into the left trees. Punch out to 85 yards. Hit a lob wedge to 10 feet - miss the putt. Bogey
#7 496 Par5. Driver down the middle - 236 yards left into the wind. Hook driver under tree left. Try to punch under tree but hit tree and go into the bunker. Sand shot to 12 feet - make the putt. Par
#8 332 Par4. Driver into left rough. Hit tree with second shot lob wedge, roll to just short of bunker. Hit chip to 4 feet - miss the putt. Bogey.
#9 187 Par3. Hit 5-iron to 30 feet. Par

The Second Round: Back Nine 33
#10 362 Par4: Hit 3-iron in fairway. Hit PW from 131 to 12 feet. Birdie
#11 162 Par3: Hit 8-iron to 2 feet. Birdie
#12 425 Par4: Hit driver down the middle. 6-iron to left edge (60 feet). Par
#13 280 Par4: Hit 6-iron in fairway. Lob Wedge to 30 feet, run putt 8 feet past but make it coming back. Par
#14 400 Par4: Hit 3-iron down the middle. 7-iron to left edge. Run 40 footer 6 feet past. Make it. Par
#15 475 Par5: Hit 4-iron into trees right. Punch out to 205 yards. Hit 5-iron onto green. Miss 40 footer. Par
#16 335 Par4: Hit 3-iron down middle. Hit Gap Wedge from 110 to 6 feet. Roll in the downhill putt. Birdie
#17 165 Par3: Hit 8-iron to 50 feet. Hit downhill putt 10 feet past. Miss. Bogey
#18 380 Par4: Hit 3-iron down middle. Hit 9-iron to 40 feet. Par

The Second Round: Reflections on a 68
I had five birdies and tied my best score ever at Uplands (68) and vaulted up the leaderboard to qualify in the 1st position! I am now the tournament favourite. I did it by making nice 8-10 foot putts - especially the par saves. I didn't make a double bogey in two rounds. I am great!

Here is how the people qualfied:
1. Geoff Crofton 140
2. Ron Frolek 142
3. Huston Hill 143
4. Don Woodland 145
5. Ben Griffin 146
6. Gary Tuttle 148
7. Marc Chawrun 149
8. Dave Morgan 151
9. Ron Guy 151
10. Wayne Little 154
**. Paul Lecomte 154 (not available for match play)
11. Stan Ralph 156
12. Ian Barrodale 156
13. Morley Trenholm 157
14. Peter Norton 157
15. Dennis Fedoruk 159
T16. Bruce Glencross 160
T16. Vic Bley 160
??. Mark Crofton 176

The format is 1 plays 16, 2 plays 15, 3 plays 14, etc. After the first round they don't reseed, so if I win then I will play the winner of 8/9 in the quarters.

Glencross and Bley have a playoff to decide who gets to play me. Glencross is a 12-handicap so I couldn't possibly lose to him - could I? Bley is an 8-cap - and is no better and no worse than Dick Boss who beat me last year. I will win this match if I can play decently and not look ahead of myself.

Stay tuned next week to see if I can advance and make it through the first two matches! Realistically my first tough match will be the semis - but I won't take anyone lightly ever again.

The title of this blog "Mission Accomplished" is a play on George W. Bush's famous banner after the "end of hostilities" in Iraq. As we all know now, the mission was not accomplished at that point. And it is not yet accomplished for me either. But like Shania Twain, I am on my way.

Congrats to Vijay on his PGA win.

Day Fourteen: Faster Higher Stronger!

Tomorrow is the first of two qualifying rounds for the Uplands Club Championship - with the low 16 qualifying for match play the following week. I always qualify, and usually in the top half of the draw. I love the dynamics of match play because you play against an opponent and not the course. Sometimes a bogey is good enough, and sometimes a par is no good - but will you know which is which?

Last year I qualified second and was lucky to draw Dick Boss in the first round. Pundits had this pegged as the least competitive match of the first round. But as anyone who has ever heard me bellyache knows, I lost the match and demonstrated that matches are not played on paper.

I have never won the Championship - nor have I made the finals: but this is my year! I have been a losing semi-finalist 3 times (1997,2000,2001), a losing quarterfinalist 3 times(1998,1999,2002), with that one unfortunate first round knockout(2003). But if Phil can win the Masters, then I can win the Club Championship. We're going all the way!

And the Olympics are starting. I love the Olympics: Swimming and Track are the best. Did you know that I was a champion High Jumper in elementary school? (if we stretch the definition of champion to include 6th place.) And the PGA Championship is going on (Ernie will win and Tiger might miss the cut!). It is a good sports weekend.

Poll Question: How will I rank after the two qualifying rounds? Guess right and earn a beer!
a) First of course!
b) Second by a whisker
c) A respectable 3rd-6th
d) A dismal 7th-16th
e) FQ

(One guess per person. Offer void outside of Canada)

Day Thirteen: Welcome to the Hellmouth

Welcome to Day Thirteen! It is another beautiful hot sunny day in Vancouver and I can't believe I was discussing how this is a melancholy time of year yesterday - I should lighten up a little: it is simply great outside - and I love it!

After an ordinary game of golf yesterday (74 at Riverway) and a double hamburger at the local DQ (without fries), I went browsing through the video store to see what I should entertain myself with. In an impulsive move I purchased the entire first season of "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer" in the discount bin for only $17.95! I had somehow never watched an episode before - even though the show first aired March 10, 1997 and has even been off the air for a couple of years now.

But unlike Ana who famously watched season 2 of "24" in just under 24 hours, I only managed to watch the first episode (which was a cliffhanger no less). But it was a good start - and I can see that Buffy and I are kindred spirits - though I also have heard good things about Willow's character development in future seasons. I am curious - do the others have special powers too: because don't they all fight the vampires? I suppose that Giles must train them all - he's an odd duck that one! Anyways - lots of backstory questions which I hope get sorted out in the next few episodes. But most importantly - it looks like my boredom issues are solved for the immediate future.

Day Twelve: I was born on a tuesday

I sometimes think about what it would have been like to live a thousand years ago but then I remember: I would have died during childbirth (and so would my mum) as I was born two months premature. So whatever else I say about this wretched modern world, I should remember that I would not be in it if it were any less modern.

Late August is a melancholy time of year. You can feel a touch of autumn in the night air. It is about this time when you first get surprised by an early sunset on a golf course. "Shouldn't we be able to play till 10PM?" "No!" I also hate "Back to School" ads. With a passion. I'm not in school anymore but it doesn't seem fair that we're burying summer before it's half over. Some people prefer autumn - but I prefer spring. Everything is new and stretched out in front of you. My favourite week of the year ends on the second Sunday in April. You get the Masters, Daylight Savings, and warmer weather all at once - and you can finally golf after work! Now I can golf after work but don't always do it because I'm "tired". Such a waste!

But what do I like about this time of year? The Uplands Club Championship: "Glory's Last Shot". I put too much pressure on myself - but so what. I am lazy at too many other aspects of my life. It would be nice to win. I would smile a big bright healthy smile.

Actually there's nothing wrong with September and October - I enjoy the fact that we get seasons (and not too much snow!).

So what's your favourite week of the year?

Day Eleven: Salt Spring Sun Shine

This is a very long golf post - so please enter only if you like long stories about "birdie this", "shank that", "KP this", "my grandpa that", etc. etc.

GANGES BC
August 1986
Dermott, myself, and our new friend Roggles work quietly in Grandpa's back garden on Lower Ganges Road in between games of croquet. It is a hot summer's day and birds can be heard chirping at pleasant intervals. My parents chat in the living room (not too far from the "World's Greatest Grandpa" award and a "Joe Clark" biography) with Grandpa about Uncle Patrick's burgeoning political career. Mrs. Gunderson prepares apple pies in the pantry. We are thirsty and think only about pop refreshment and a future career in berry-picking. Now who should appear but Grandpa himself offering drinks. This is a promising development! But upon further review, these are not pop cans - but beer cans. It is hard now to remember that long-ago innocent youth, but at that time none of us were alcoholics so this was an intriguing development. Intriguing yes - but Roggles and I decide not to drink the beer and instead watch intently as Dermott consumes his and suffers no ill-effects. But somehow I think we would have all preferred a pop.

Salt Spring or Saltspring? The island is officially called "Saltspring Island" according to a Geographic Board of Canada decision of 1905 - but most businesses and local residents call it "Salt Spring". Canada Post doesn't mind which way you spell it: your mail will get through. I tend to use "Saltspring" which puts me in the minority. (Google has 99,000 hits on Salt Spring and 46,000 on Saltspring.)

August 6-8, 2004
"The Croftons Return to Saltspring"

Since Grandpa Dermott's death in 1994, our family has visited Saltspring less and less each year - but each visit brings new reflections, new stories, and a whole lot more people. We looked out over Ganges Harbour and all the boats out there made it look like a parking lot! On this occasion my dad and I were visiting to participate in the Salt Spring Invitational - a two-day golf tournament with a modest $100 entry fee. I was here to win low gross, my dad was here to win low net. Could we capture a Crofton double? My mum came out as well and followed my dad around the course for the first time since my dad's last of 4 club championship wins in 1968.

The Saltspring golf course is situated on my great-great-grandfather E.F. Wilson's old farm and was laid out in 1928 with the assistance of a robust young Dermott Crofton who was awarded a life membership for his troubles. It is a charming 9-hole (par 36) course with a mix of short, long, and very short holes. Though it is a par 72, it has a rating of only 68.4. A little local knowledge goes a long way on its hilly treacherous fairways - and no one here had more local knowledge than my dad!

We arrived on a Friday afternoon for a practice round to find the couse submerged under a rare August deluge. But as always I kept insisting "It is clearing up" - and on this occasion I was right - and we were able to get our practice round in. The course played very soft and my stinger 3-iron was not as effective as the previous week in Kamloops - but I resolved to use it nonetheless (I was even par through 15 holes in the practice round). The field did not seem too strong so I felt a score of even to 3-over would be enough to win. I discovered that I would play the first round with the current club champion (and therefore holder of the Crofton Cup) Jim Charlton. Jim is a Vancouver transplant who now lives in a palatial Long Harbour estate and commutes to Vancouver while his daughter takes riding lessons. He may own our family's trophy - but he would have to beat a live Crofton to win this event!

The first item of business was the horse race. This is an alternate shot "fun" event where a number of teams go off and are gradually eliminated till one is left. Uplands does one each year at Uplands day (with 9 teams) and it is a fun yet staid event. Saltspring does things a little differently. They accommodate EVERY ONE who wants to go in the event - which in our case was 48 golfers (24 teams!). We were given random partners - and I drew Don McMahon who assured me that he didn't hit it far but could hit it straight. This is exactly what I wanted to hear! The other thing to note about this tournament was that it was primarily a young crowd - and a young crowd is a drinking crowd. This actually really added to the atmosphere and it became very boistrous, energetic, and fun. Though my mum was a bit appalled at the too-short distance people would go into the woods to relieve themselves, even she admitted that people were enjoying themselves.

All teams played 3 holes before the first cut. Our team was a comfortable 1-over and qualified, but my dad was not so lucky and could only manage 4-over. A nice par on 4 and we were through to the final 10 teams. But we only managed a bogey on 5 (Don missed an unfortunate 6 footer) and we were in a chip-off: 5 teams for 1 spot. Don and I both went over to the chipping area to prepare for battle. The first guy to go hit it to 4 feet: not too bad. Don hit it to 6-feet and no one else came close. So I calmly step up and knock it to 2 feet! Victory! But at this point we realize that only one of us was allowed to do the chip - and Don's chip had to stand - so we were out! I felt a bit cheated at this point but assured my dad "I didn't come to Saltspring to win the horse race".

Our first round was Saturday afternoon (our second would be Sunday morning - with the same groups), and we arrived early to warm up. Though I was hitting the driver nicely I said "Let's just hit fairways and make some birdies". The first hole is a downhill 520 yard par 5 but I hit 3-iron anyways trying not to make a big number. After quick pars on 1/2, Jim Charlton holes a 30-yard chip for eagle on the short par-4 third hole. And with my unfortunate bogey I am now 3 shots back. I add a bogey on the next hole to fall 4 shots behind.

On the par-3 6th hole I pull it left into the bunker while Jim is safely on the green. Things are looking ugly. At this point my mum walks over (Dad is on the 8th green) and sternly admonishes me to "get things going" - so I beautifully roll in an 8-footer for a sand save to keep things as they are. My mum smiles and nods her head - her boy has done well. I ask how dad is doing. Mum tells me that he needs a putting lesson. The 7th hole at Saltspring is the only really tough hole at the course: 430 yards with a treacherous green and water short left. Perhaps feeling the desperation of the situation I roll in a 40 foot putt for birdie while Jim bogeys. Game on Charlton! I turn to the old guy watching the action and give him a fist pump. Then in a rare show of friendliness I walked over and said hello. As it turned out he was Jack Fraser, and knew Des (my Grandpa's brother) quite well and had just spoken to my dad who had also said hello. This is a typical Saltspring moment: the pros, assistant pros, and various young people have no idea who my dad or a Crofton is - but if we see an old guy - they knew all the Croftons and are delighted to see us - and sometimes they'll even tell me stories about how impetuous my dad was as a youngster.

Back to the golf: I birdie 8 to close the gap to one shot through 9 holes. (I am even par 36, Jim is 1-under 35). The back nine is uneventful and I sadly bogey the last hole to finish 73, while Jim manages a nice round of 71.

We go in to check the scores and Jim is leading of course, but he is tied with 3-time major champion and local member Larry Nelson who shot the round of his life with a 1-under 71 off an 11 handicap: this is equivalent of me shooting a 62! There are 2 others tied with me for 3rd at 73 but I don't pay them much notice. I conclude that this is a duel between Jim and I. I only used my driver 4 times in 18 holes but birdied 3 of these holes. I also watched Jim eat up the short holes with his straight and solid driving - I decide to use the driver more tomorrow.

My dad had a disappointing round of 91 (off his 17 handicap) and sits well off the pace (14 shots back of L. Nelson!).

We stay at the "Sea Breeze Inn" which is about 100 metres from the house where my dad grew up at (before Winfrith) on Charleswood Drive. We take a drive around the neighbourhood and my dad does everything short of naming each tree. Before bed we play a little cards and a new game "Lambsy" that my dad learned from his Uplands crowd. Despite winning the first 6 hands (beginner's luck) I get completely smoked and have to pay my dad $1.13.

Round two happens on Sunday morning (Paul's birthday!) at the slightly too-early time of 8AM. As Peter and I proved in Kamloops, morning times don't particularly agree with us. But this one starts well as Jim pulls his first tee shot into the bushes left and loses it - a quick double bogey and we're all tied up! But it didn't last and I made a stupid bogey on 4 after driving (my untrusty 3-iron) under a tree. Then on #5 I decide to 3-putt from 10 feet (but didn't do the dance) and am back to 2-down which is how it stays through the front nine after Jim bogeys 6 and I bogey 7. We both shoot birdie-free 39s. Could it be that the rest of the field is back in it?

The back nine starts well as I birdie 1 and 2 to tie things up! Then I boom it down #3 (with my first ever driver) while Jim puts it in the 4th fairway. But I leave it short of the green and fail to get up and down while Jim saves par after a nice lob shot. Then Jim birdies #4 and I am back to 2 down. We get to #6 and there is a kindly woman selling tickets to a "$25,000" dream vacation which you can win with a hole-in-one - or $100 for the KP (and a sleeve of balls if you hit the green). We all sign up. Jim safely hits the green but is not close. I decide that the wind has picked up and switch to a 5-iron (I hit 6 the first time). But I thin/top it and start my usual belly-aching. But a miracle happens and the ball rolls up to 7 feet 8 inches and I win the $100 KP! But I miss the putt... still 2 back.

On #7, we both hit good drives. I have 170 in, and Jim has only 150 in. The pin is right at the back of the green - very dangerous location. We both leave it short of the hill and have uphill putts. I putt first - and leave it 8-feet short. Jim calmly puts it to a tap-in distance. Now I cleverly miss my putt and fall 3 shots back. I am not pleased. I know that I don't really have a chance now.

But we have to finish the round. I boom it down the middle on the par five 8th and have only 215 in. Jim lets in a glimpse of light and pushes his 230 yard approach into a tree then watches as it kicks further right! But my lie is ridiculously unlucky. There is a small "2 foot hill" running across the fairway and I am on the downslope. I have no way of making good contact, but even with that note I hit a poor shot and leave it 95 yards short. I am fuming at this point - I really wanted to win! But I stick a wedge to only 6 feet (and make the putt for birdie). Jim struggles and leaves himself a 4 footer for par. I don't even watch - he hasn't missed one of these in 2 days and he doesn't miss this one. It is a 2-shot lead with one hole to play.

I go first and calmly pull it into the left trees with my till-now trusty driver. Jim goes left of the trees and down the 8th fairway and is fine. I am not fine. I am in a tree. I curse the sun and punch it out, then hit the chip to 20 feet. Jim has 19.5 feet on exactly the same line. OK - I am not going to win. I miss the putt and Jim misses his. I finish 73-75=148, while Jim is 71-74=145. I lose by 3 shots.

My dad comes in and I learn that he's shot 92 with 3 birdies (including back to back). Unfortunately he made a quintuple bogey 9 on the 9th hole. So he is well back and won't get a prize. We go inside to scan the prize table - it is amazing! There are two TVs (clearly for first gross and net) - and then a collection of woods and putters - including a 580 driver, a 580 3-wood, a Scotty Cameron putter, etc. etc. I think I might win the driver for my runner-up performance.

My parents decide to stay an extra night on Saltspring as the last ferry for Victoria leaves at 8PM and the prizes won't be done by then. My dad offers to pick up my prize but I eventually decide to stick around. My parents book the extra night at Harbour House - which is the hotel founded by my great-grandfather Fred Crofton after the 1st world war - I don't know which year. My grandpa used to run the beer parlour and my dad has many memories of sweeping the floors and rolling the tennis court (Harbour House had a regular tennis tournament in the summer). But The Croftons sold the hotel in 1964 - there were 7 children - my grandpa's share would have been only 1/7th of it.

At 6:30 we head back for the presentation and there is a great commotion afoot - there is a playoff starting! It seems that Andy Vickers (who I now notice has a 0 handicap) has shot 75-70=145 and tied Jim Charlton. They head to the 8th hole almost immediately - I go to watch and offer Jim encouragement. Jim hits a nice drive down the right side only 215 from the green. Andy however absolutely booms it down the middle and is almost at the 200 mark. Jim hits a good shot to beside the green from a hilly lie, while Andy fires it right at the pin but comes up just short of the green. They both hit to tap-in distance and the hole is halved with birdies. Then on the 9th hole, Jim hits it left while Andy booms it down the middle again leaving only 80 yards. Jim is in the trees but has a bit of a shot with only a wedge. But he fluffs it leaving it 50 yards short (where I was on my final hole). Andy calmly steps up and knocks the wedge to within a foot. Jim nicely gets it up and down for par, but Andy rolls in the 1-footer to win the playoff. Exciting stuff the assembled crowds agree! And apparently Andy was amongst the "drinking crowd".

Eventually they give out the prizes at the prize table and they do the first two gross and net: Larry Nelson shot 71-81 to win low net at 130 net - but he only won by one shot! The net scores were very low - absolutely stupid low. When they get to third gross, I suspect it will be me - but it isn't. Some one else shot 76-70=146 - and they win the Scottie Cameron putter. Then they get to 4th low gross. It isn't me again. One of the 73s added another 73 and also finished 146. They take another ridiculously good prize - possibly the 3-wood. Then they get to 5th low gross and this time it's me. I get up there and claim a Callaway 7-wood (with a $300 price tag) on it. I may give it a try. I felt a little better losing realizing that the field wasn't as weak as I thought - I should have given them more credit. I also used my $100 credit (for that KP) at the pro shop and got a new shirt and glove.

My dad did not leave empty handed! They had a "Calcutta" auction for the final round and my dad's team came 2nd - each earning $98.75 on a $20 investment.

I knew that I would enjoy playing a tournament at Saltspring with my dad - but it was a far better tournament than I expected (if I had won it would have been a "10") - a fun atmosphere, well organized, great prizes and with a lot of local support. Clearly this was the golf event of the year on Saltspring and none missed it. If you ever get the opportunity to come to the Salt Spring Invitational, I suggest you sign up early, get your game in shape, walk down the hallowed line of trophies with various Crofton names on them, register to play, and win a little something for your trouble. And if you can't win, then you can always drink a little Scotch with your friends and smile - for you are on Saltspring - and it doesn't get better than this.

Day Ten: Hungry For a Friend

Swarm battles "Use the Force Luke" in an epic showdown at Memorial Oval tonight. The winner advances to the final of Thursday Div 2! All the gods watch the match with a keen interest on this evening, for Swarm's own Roggles in a flurry of hubris can become the "God of Sweating Fat Men" if we pull off a victory. Roggles promises to bring his A-Game (and a change of shirt).

Today is Dermott's birthday. He is 34. Happy Birthday Dermott! Most of the Vancouver crew don't see him very often anymore, but I get back to Victoria frequently and can report that he is active, well, and not currently working on "Herve The Musical". This more anything else is a crime against humanity. Everyone has one great thing or act within them: and Dermott's is Herve. But he hides from his glorious destiny like some tragic Greek hero. Eventually the world will sort itself out and Dermott's true genius will be appreciated.

"Never before in all of this place
Have I ever seen such a fine poker face"

The Saltspring tournament is this weekend and I look forward to it. My dad plays in it as well (and my mum accompanies us). Playing in a golf tournament with my dad has to be the most enjoyable thing that I do - and the fact that it is Saltspring (his birthplace) makes it even better. My dad is funny - for though his best years on the links are probably behind him, he has a fierce competitive fire - something you cannot teach - and every now and then pulls off some amazing achievement - like beating me in the Putting Challenge at the Holy Cross golf tournament two years back. I would not be at all surprised to see him shoot some ridiculous score at his home course and win Low Net easily. As for me? I hope to win the tournament outright - stay tuned to this blog to see if I do it!

Day Nine: Fans Only

I finally got a haircut yesterday! Fans of Samson-esque long flowing locks will be saddened but those who enjoy their friends and neighbours to be somewhat presentable will be pleased. As my hair is now neatly trimmed it is less blonde - which is a disappointment as I enjoy the crazy lightening effects of the summer sun. Oh well.

I finally saw the Michael Moore film "Fahrenheit 9/11" at Metrotown (actually Station Square) yesterday. It was an ordeal to get my ticket: I got to the line and realized as usual that I was only carrying 100s and the ticket window wouldn't take them - but it said "Cash Only!". So I had to find a bank machine in only 15 minutes! Others wouldn't panic on this schedule - but I can panic pretty much anytime, anywhere. So I ran out to find a CIBC machine just inside the main mall - and there was a little note "Sorry - both ATM machines are out of order." OK - now I have 10 minutes to go. I decide "There will be another bank in the mall" so I wonder about doing window shopping at various stores in the mall - but there is no other bank. So I go back outside and find a directory - there is a TD down below by the Sleep Country (why buy a mattress anywhere else?)! So I run there and get some bills they will accept and head back to the theatre. Now there is a long line for concessions (You need to fill up on popcorn and soda for a Michael Moore film). The two lines are slowly moving as various parents are ordering strange "children's deals" with colouring pens and other trinkets. An old woman (with a faded heart tattoo) beside me is even more frustrated - so she decides to chastize a blonde young thing in front of me for "taking so long while others are waiting". The blonde girl is quite perplexed. But she decides to antagonize the old crone and say "What are you talking about? I have a family to order for." then she announces "I think I'll get a few more things if I like" - and she does this with a blonde smile that serves to remind the old woman that she is but an ugly old crone. So the crone loses it and starts swearing "Selfish bitch!" then she jostled her, and then questioned "Which movie are you in, sweetie?" - I thought they were going to have a fight right there - but I stepped between them and calmly ordered my snacks. The blonde asked for an escort to her seat! I thought "Now I'm late!" but of course I wasn't late.

Well we all know about the inflammatory Moore movie - it was entertaining propaganda - and I bet the French loved it! Bush is an evil idiot who should be turfed - let's just agree on that.

So I went home and watched the new DVD "Belle and Sebastian - Fans Only". Well at least the first half. It has some good videos, interviews, and "montages" - especially "Jonathan David". The band certainly amuse themselves! But eventually I was too tired so I went under the covers with a torch and fell asleep till it was morning.

Week Two: Kamloops Krazy

Hello,

I've just come back from the Rivershore Amateur in Kamloops - so those few among you who dislike golf postings will wish to avoid this one! Kamloops was blazing in bright sunshine as expected (35-37 degree highs) so I got a bit of a sun which has further blonded my flowing locks and given me a respite from my gimlet-soaked melancholia. Outdoors time is good for the soul.

On The Course:
Rivershore Golf Course is a great track - a good mix of short and long holes with immaculate conditioning - and just enough bunkering and water to keep you focused. The greens were a bit a slow and soft while the fairways were firm and the ball was rolling: scoring conditions were excellent. Would Peter and I take advantage of this?

Round One:
I teed off early on Saturday while Peter went out late. I played the first round with Ryan Krisko, a solid player and past champion from the gateway to the north - Prince George. He seems to have a northerner's penchant for the bottle - for despite a 7:45AM tee time he carried around a cooler of beer on his pullcart and calmly and systemically drank throughout an opening round of 70 (where he didn't putt well...). Though he politely offered me a beer I decided it was too early for me and refused. Maybe if I had taken him up on the offer I could have matched his 70! I birdied the first hole, then struggled along with nice up and downs to be only 3-over through 12. Through 14 holes I had only hit 3 greens. But I couldn't hold it together forever: I managed back-to-back double bogeys on 13/14! The double on 13 was due to a wonky short game and then I lost my tee shot in some gorse right on 14. It happened so fast: one moment I'm rolling along - and then I'm in finished. But I birdied 18 to save a round of 78.

R. Krisko led with his 70. Peter played late in round 1 to post an excellent 72 (in which he claimed to have not had his A-game) - and was in a tie for second with a couple other golfers. Could this be Peter's week?

Round Two:
Peter went out early (7:09) in round two - so by the time I teed off I knew he had limped home to an 80 (where he didn't even have his B-game). I calmly said "Today we shoot 67." Again - I birdied the first hole (this time I started on 10). The rest of the round was simply solid: two birdies and two bogeys. I decided that as I couldn't hit the fairway with a driver I would use a frightening new weapon: a "stinger" 3-iron. I used it to perfection! I was regularly hitting it 240-250 on the hard Rivershore fairways and usually down the pipe. I made a nice birdie on 8 (hitting a 7-iron to 4 inches) and then a good par save on 9 to save a good round of 72. This vaulted me up to the third-to-last group for Monday's final round. Peter freshly announced his intention to quit the game (which he alternates with visions of a Vijay-esque devotion - he can't quite make up his mind).

Round Three:
Now instead of a birdie, I decided to start with a 3-putt (missing yet another short putt). Then I bogeyed 2 as well. My frustration level was palpable but no one cared (they never do). But instead of "packing it in" as Peter claimed to do during a similar stretch I pumped it up and found an inner reserve of strength that I didn't know I had. I rolled in a long putt for a birdie on 3! On the par-five 4th hole I used the stinger 3-iron to perfection: instead of going Driver/Wedge in a cliched manner - I went "3-iron/3-iron" to 18 feet and sank the putt for eagle! Genius! After that it was simply OK - and I shot 75 to post a solid result of 9-over 225. My putting was mixed: I was excellent from mid to long range - but scary bad over short ones. Don't know why that would be - but I won't worry about it too much.

Let's post some key scores in the tournament:
1. Ryan "The Crisco Kid" Krisko, Prince George 70-72-70 = 212 (4 under)
2. Mike Davies, Mission 72-70-75 = 217 (1 over) - he was a 5 handicap.
...
7. Geoffrey Crofton 78-72-75 = 225 (9 over)
...
18. Peter Wessel 72-80-78 = 230 (14 over)

My prize ended up being "First Flight, First Low Net" and a credit of $225 at the Rivershore Pro Shop which I used to buy some smashing new golf shoes (badly needed) and a sleeve of Pro V1's. Through what must have been a clerical error, Peter secured a prize as well for "First Flight, Fifth Low Net" and earned $125 with which he bought 2 dozen Pro V1s - not too shabby. All in all we had a good haul - tournaments are a good deal when you play well.

Steve Smith (last year's net champion in a stirring duel with P. Wessel) shot 85-77-81 off an 8 handicap and only earned 3rd low net in Second Flight. I beat him by 3 shots net! Mike Davies who almost won the tournament off a 5 handicap was the easy net winner at 217 gross, 202 net. OK - this just in. I knew that I had seen Mike Davies at the Supplemental Qualifier in Vernon (he is a big fat guy who played in the group behind me) so I just checked to see what he shot. He shot 91. What on earth is he doing shooting 1-over for a 3-day tournament??? OK I see that he was 4-over through 13 and decided to finish 11-4-8-6-6: I guess he has issues once things go badly... maybe that's how he keeps his cap up.

Next week is Saltspring - and then after that the Uplands Club Championship beckons. This should be the year when I bury my demons and claim the main prize and will see my portrait in the "Champions Gallery" at Uplands' mighty main hall.

- geoff