Day 246: A Dialogue With Chance and Slippers

The Protagonist

Slippers, a cat of noble standing

The Adversary

Chance, a very happy cat

Slippers: Why exactly is it that Snowy goes to work and leaves us all alone every day? Gilman worked solo at his computer, and that seemed much better.

Chance: And we helped him by giving him all those ideas. I like Gilman!

Slippers: As do I brother; as do I.

Chance: Their situations are different and Snowy's job is not at all like Gilman's. Snowy needs to leave the house for 9-11 hours a day to earn precious money. Everyone must work - and Snowy's career cannot be done from inside the house.

Slippers: But is not Snowy earning a greater hourly rate playing that silly game with the cards and the chips?

Chance: Poker? Perhaps right now that is true. But online poker playing is not an honourable or respected profession. It could all go up in smoke tomorrow - and where would that leave us? Pretty it up however you like - but it is still gambling - and gambling is dangerous. They have those help lines for a reason.

Slippers: Silly Chance - those helplines are for simple folk addicted to slot machines. Snowy has earned an ever-growing profit four consecutive months - and had had positive days 12 out of 14 times in June. When do the results become statistically significant?

Chance: Not for a long while yet, brother. Patience is the key. How much happier is the casual poker player than the professional? Much happier if you ask me!

Slippers: Yes - you are right. For now. But I will keep an eye on this situation - if Snowy could stay home all day with us like Gilman did, then I would be immeasurably happier.

Chance: As would I brother; as would I.

Day 245: Struggling in Sault Ste. Marie

Wise men say that it takes a bout of misfortune for humans to appreciate the truly good days. A steady stream of success and happiness will gradually come to be considered the "norm", and people lose sight of how good they have it. Who among us has not had what they later regarded as "the best days of my life" - but didn't appreciate it at the time? Well my friends - I appreciate the good in everyone and everything. Seven days in Sault Ste. Marie have shown me how bad it can get.

As many of you are aware, I struggled severely at the Canadian Club Champions Championship - missing even the 54 hole cut and returned home with my tail between my legs. Does the world need to read an account of how it came to pass that I struggled so? Certainly not. Will this stop me from boring you all with a sad Sault travellog? I fear not.

Chapter 1: Bad Beginnings
I journeyed to Sault Ste. Marie on Saturday June 18th to participate in the Canadian Club Champions Championship. There was a great deal of hoopla in these blog pages prior to the trip - but that excitement has now diminished. We shall soon see why.

I was quite sick as I prepared to board my 7AM flight that fateful Saturday. A bad cold had infected my whole body and I was not looking forward to plane travel. To add insult to illness, my flight was cancelled due to mechanical failure and I had an impromptu 5 hour wait at the airport. Lovely. By the end of the day (which featured a new stop in rainy/cold Calgary) I was exhausted and beaten and my ears have still not recovered (they still pop frequently). But I did arrive in Sault Ste. Marie with my luggage and golf clubs. Still: if I ever have to journey east again, I will drive my car because I hate flying.

Chapter 2: My Hotel Room, My Home
On account of my illness, I chose not to play any practice round and instead stayed in bed sleeping for two days prior to the first round. Surely this would give me the resolve and strength I needed to match wits with Canada's finest club champions, representing all 10 provinces? Highlights of my TV watching included seeing Michael Campbell win the US Open and observing countless hours of Wimbledon! They've really improved the play by making the grass slightly slower - and ended the tyranny of serve/volley one-dimensional players like Goran Ivanisevic.

Chapter 3: First Round Debacle
I had a late tee time, so by the time I began, I knew that scores were going to be dreadful. No problem - I like tough courses! Crimson Ridge is a new course, opened only in 2003 and shares a fault common to new courses - it's a little "rough around the edges". This would not bother a great player - but I prefer to have some room to the sides of holes to scramble in. This was not an option at Crimson Ridge - if you hit a wild shot, the ball was gone and no amount of crying would bring it back.

I managed to par the first 3 holes: a good start! After adding a double and two bogeys, I was 40 on the front nine. After pars on 10-12, I really wasn't doing horribly as I neared the end of the round. This brings us to unlucky 13. I snap-hooked one into the left bushes. I crawled in to punch my shot out with a 7-iron. Swing.... WHIFF. I caught a tree branch on my backswing and the ball did not move. Sigh. I punched the next one out but only managed a triple-bogey 7 on the hole. I journeyed into the bushes again on 16&17 to record a double-double-birdie finish for an 82.

Chapter 4: Second Round Struggles
The conditions in round one were difficult - very windy, and I was sick. I had lots of excuses for the 82 - which still left me in 52nd place and slightly better than an average score. When round 2 dawned, the wind had subsided and I felt a lot better. The uneventful 83 which followed featuring more putting woes and bushwhacking is inexplicable and needs no elaboration. I now stood at 21-over par through 2 rounds, in a tie for 67th position.

Chapter 5: Third Round Meltdown
After the carnage of rounds 1&2, I resolved to have at least one good day and take back some positive memories from Sault Ste. Marie, the birthplace of my great-grandmother Nona Wilson. But it was not to be. I began the day by three-putting from 20-feet for bogey on #1. At this point a hard rain began to fall.

I stood on the tee of the par-five 2nd hole angry about the three putt and disappointed that I was not wearing wet-weather gear in a rainstorm. I hit a stone duff with my driver, advancing it only 85 yards to the ladies tee. From there I shanked consecutive 4-irons deep into the bush. Miraculously I found the first one deep in the forest and whacked it back towards the fairway - but it failed to get out of the bush. I tried again and succeeded. I'm now lying 4 about 400 yards from the hole. From there I punched an 8-iron to the corner, then hit a good 4-iron (not a shank) from 240 yards downhill to beside the green. After a good chip from a difficult lie, I had an uphill 20-footer. At this point the siren sounded calling us off the course for a weather delay (thunder and lightning in the area). I chose to finish out (in defiance of the rules) and three-putted for a smooth 10. I trudged back to the clubhouse and a three-hour weather delay. I did not have control of my emotions and was an absolute basket case - mostly manifested in the usual pathetic "I feel so sorry for myself" nonsense.

After the weather delay ended, the weather was warm, sunny and beautiful. But my game would not improve. After more visits to the bush, I doubled 3&5 - leaving me 10-over through just 5 holes. I hit driver/SW to 2 feet on #6 - but missed, and then three-putted #7. How my putter escaped destruction is a mystery. A quick bogey on #9 later and my front nine sccore was 12-over 48 - a dreadful number which embarasses me even as I write this.

The back nine was decent - and I birdied 18 for a 2-over 38 (my only nine under 40). My score stayed shy of 90 - at 86 - and my three-day total of 251 was just enough to miss the 54-hole cut (low 70 and ties) by a single shot. I have played 40 rounds thus far in 2005 - and if you take my 38th, 39th, and 40th best scores - you will find the three scores I shot at Crimson Ridge. This was not my finest hour.

Chapter 6: Epilogue
My father and brother spent a great deal of time over the last two days of my tourney checking online for my tee times and watching helplessly to see if I would somehow make the cut. I thank them for their support - as I was admittedly a grumpy sourpuss who did not deserve anyone's sympathy after my third round destruction. I myself did not follow the scores closely, because I was too depressed to hang out around other golfers and as I didn't have computer access. I just watched Wimbledon highlights and sighed pathetically over and over again until I was fast asleep.

I returned to Vancouver on Saturday evening, June 25th to find Chance and Slippers well-cared for at Gilman's house. After bringing them home, they remained in good spirits and dined on some fresh Friskies. They did not think any less of me and helped to cheer me out of my blue funk. I realized that I have not been playing much golf so far this year - and that if I want to contend at future tournaments, I need to be more serious. I face a choice - either play a lot more golf, or play a lot less golf and don't take it seriously. I don't know what the correct option is - but for now - I have chosen option #1.

So I got right back on the horse and journeyed out on Sunday for a fun game with Jeff R., Vlad B., and Mark W. at Fraserview. Though I professed to be an atheist in a recent gkarlsen quiz, I must ruefully conclude that God in all his glory hates me and has decided to play a amusing prank on me. For after the disgraces of Sault Ste. Marie, it would make sense that my struggles would continue, no? But somehow I was 2-over 38 on the front nine - reasonable but nothing stellar - but then birdied 10, 11, and 12 (and almost birdied 13/14) before adding another birdie on 18 for a 4-under 32 on the back nine and a bizarre round of 2-under 70 - a full 16 shots better than my previous round at Crimson Ridge. Absolutely hillarious!

I will never understand anything that goes on in this world.

Day 244: Off to Sault Ste. Marie

The long wait is almost over as I'm leaving on a jetplane for Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario at 7AM Saturday morning. It will be a while until the first round of the Canadian Club Champions Championship at Crimson Ridge begins on Tuesday - but I'm sure that I'll find something to do. I hope that Chance and Slippers enjoy their vacation at Gilman's Lair for the week that I am away - and expect daily updates on their continuing adventures to be posted here.

You can follow the tournament leaderboard through the RCGA website. You can also check out this tournament press release. I am disappointed not to be mentioned in the "notables" section - but am pleased that there only seem to be 115 entries - I may even be able to make the cut.

Have a great week!

Note: A Cat's Life will be on hiatus until June 26th.

Day 243: Snowy Cat vs. Adam Short

The most recent event in my golf season (which will be recapped here) was my playing in the Times-Colonist Open Pro-AM at my own home course of Uplands this past Tuesday June 14th. It is a treat to play Uplands when it is tournament conditions - with fast greens and thicker rough. True - you can three-putt from 6 feet anytime you want to - but it is much easier to drain 40 footers. The greens are so true: if you miss a putt, it is your fault. I wish they could have the course play like this all the time.

I played with three other amateurs - all having handicaps between 18 and 21. They were all bigshots in the Victoria business community (unlike me) - one of them owned a fancy restaurant in town (Moxie's). But sadly - none of them could play to their handicaps - at least at the start. They all caught fire at the end - but it was too late - and our pro-am team finished well out of the prizes.

But the pro-am portion was just a sideshow for me. My goal was to take on the pro and hopefully beat him. He was no doubt unaware that I was hoping to beat him - so there was really no formal match - but that is no matter. The pro was 27 year-old Adam Short from Niagara Falls, Ontario - he finished 21st on the Canadian Tour money list last year - but hasn't had a great 2005. He played the gold tees, while I was forced to play the blues. This was a slight advantage to me - but there's nothing I could do about it. We began on hole #4. The Times-Colonist Open plays number 13 as number 10, but I will use the old-style numbering to avoid confusing the reader. I also list my yardages from the blue tees: Adam played the gold tees - which are a total of 300 yards further if you look at all 18 holes.


Adam Short prepares to battle SnowyCat

Times-Colonist Pro-AM:
(remember - we're starting on 4, so we'll finish on 3).
4. 177(3): I hit a 6-iron to the middle of the green. Adam hits it just over the green back left. He chips to 4 feet but misses the putt. I two putt for par. SC:EVEN, AS:+1
5. 386(4): I hook it into the left trees. Adam is down the middle. He hits to 35 feet - and I hit a good shot just over the green. We both make par. SC:EVEN, AS:+1
6. 434(4): I smoke a drive down the middle - as does Adam. But because I'm off a shorter tee - I am 25 yards past him! He hits it safely on the green - as do I. We both make easy pars. SC:EVEN, AS:+1
7. 493(5): I smash it down the right side - leaving 215 in. Adam snap hooks one into the trees left - but we eventually find the ball. He hits it back into the fairway about 130 left. I hit a hook (when I should a cut) and am behind the trees left of the green. Adam hits a wedge to about 4 feet but misses birdie. I leave my pitch short of the green - then chip it to 5 feet and make the putt. SC:EVEN, AS:+1
8. 315(4): I smash a driver right down the middle - but it's downwind and goes into the green side bunker short of the green. Adam is also in the green side bunker. I skull my sandwedge 40 yards over the green onto the cart path on #9. From there I hit a miracle shot to only 12 feet but miss the putt. Adam hits a good bunker shot to about 5 feet but misses another easy birdie. SC:+1, AS:+1
9. 182(3): I hit a 6-iron to 10 feet short of the green. Adam hits it to about 20 feet left of the pin. We both make easy pars. SC:+1, AS:+1
Playing the tournament hole order - we now proceed to #13
13. 280(4): Adam smashes a driver down the right side - but lands safely over the water and rolls to the back of the green: he two-putts for birdie. I hit a good driver but hook it slightly and wind up on the 14th tee box. I safely avoid the bunkers on my chip and put it in front of the green. But I don't get it up-and-down from there and make another costly bogey. SC:+2, AS:EVEN
14. 400(4): I hit a 3-iron down the left side, while Adam hits a 3-wood into the right rough. He hits his approach into the front left bunker - but I hit a hooking 8-iron to only 8 feet. He saves par, and I roll in the birdie. SC:+1, AS:EVEN
15. 454(5): I hit a safe 5-iron layup, while Adam hits a more agressive 4-iron. Both safe. I then hit a 6-iron down the fairway leaving 90 yards. Adam hits a long iron over the water but right of the green. He almost chips in and makes birdie. I hit it to only 6 feet - but miss the putt. SC:+1, AS:-1
16. 324(4): I hit a good 3-iron down the left side. Adam tries to drive the green and puts it long left. But he hits a wonderful chip to just a few feet but misses the putt. I hit a wedge to 25 feet and two-putt. SC:+1, AS:-1
17. 163(3): My 7-iron goes to about 30 feet left. I leave the birdie putt way short but make the par. Adam hits a poor shot short and left but safe - he fails to get up-and-down and settles for bogey. SC:+1, AS:EVEN
18. 388(4): I smash a driver down the right side, while Adam almost goes OB. He punches out and makes a safe bogey. I hit a PW to 30 feet and can the putt for birdie. SC:EVEN, AS:+1
Playing the tournament hole order - we now proceed to #10
10. 351(4): I smash a driver down the middle, while Adam blocks a driver down the right side. He hits a poor wedge to the right edge of the green, while I hit it to only 15 feet. But I miss the putt and he gets it up-and-down. SC:EVEN, AS:+1
11. 160(3): I hit a 7-iron 10 yards left of the green. But I chip it to 4 feet. He is just short of the green and rams his putt 6-feet past and misses the comebacker. I make my par. SC:EVEN, AS:+2
12. 425(4): I hit a great drive down the fairway, while Adam snap hooks it into the left trees. He hits a good shot to just short of the green. I leave my PW short of the green by about 10 feet. He chips it to two-feet, while I roll my 7-iron 4-feet past and miss the comebacker: SC:+1, AS:+2
Playing the tournament hole order - we now proceed to #1
1. 419(4): I hit a good shot - but hooks gently into the left rough. Adam kills it down the middle. He hits it to 15 feet but misses - while I hit it to 35 feet and make par too. SC:+1, AS:+2
2. 398(4): I badly block it into the right trees as does Adam. I have a shot - but he has no shot. I try to hit a cut around the trees but smack it right into them and bound deep into the forest. Adam punches it to just left of the green. I hit a great punch from 100 yards in the woods onto the green about 40 feet. Adam now chips it in for birdie and I two-putt for bogey. SC:+2, AS:+1
3. 362(4): I snap hook a driver into the left trees. Adam is down the middle. I hit a great SW over two trees onto the back of the green. Adam hits it tight but misses the putt. I leave my 40-footer about 4 feet short, and miss the par save for an excruiating 3-putt bogey to finish. SC:+3, AS:+1


SUMMARY: Snowy Cat shoots 73, and Adam Short shoots 71 to win by two shots. I wish I could have held on to beat him. He is a decent player who wasn't having his best game and seemed far more concerned about learning the course than caring what he shot - which I suppose makes sense.


The next event in my summer golf campaign is a trip to Sault Ste. Marie Ontario this Saturday: I can't wait.

Day 242: Chance Is Too Fat

I hosted a fun poker game at my house on Sunday. It was a good 6-way ring game for small stakes - which is defined as when the cost of the game is less than the cost of the food/drink associated with the game. I won't bore you with retarded commentaries (though I assure you that I could), but Bumbly Bee and Gilman were both big winners - and looked at me askance on the way out as if to say "I thought you were a good player... no - I suppose not..."

But the big development was when Anita took one look at Chance and said "He's twice the size he used to be. What did the vet say?" Well duh - the vet says what anyone would say:


Chance is too fat

So it's diet time at Montrose for me and my cats. I will more closely regulate the amount of Science Diet they get - because Chance is surreptiously eating more than his share. We will have you in fighting shape in no time, Chancey.

Day 241: Introducing the Poker Animals

I had an excellent day online at poker yesterday, and while I do enjoy earning extra money playing cards, I am even more excited about amassing and analyzing comprehensive poker statistics from my games played.

I am using a wonderful program called PokerTracker. It would be fair to say that if this program didn't exist, I would invent it (and I certainly could). What I like best about it is its classification of other players as a certain kind of poker animal. So when you're up against some random player online you can eventually determine "He's a mouse" or "He's a maniac". This helps in knowing what the bets mean. If a mouse raises you - you should probably fold - but a maniac raising you means the same thing as a maniac breathing - cause that's just what maniacs do.

Now am I concerned that other players use similar programs and have a book on me? Not at all! Anyone with half a brain who looked at my statistics would realize that I am a top-notch player and would go to another table where there are weaker players. So I hope that even more people use these fancy programs - as it can only help my bottom line.

I use three stats for classifying the animals. These are the same stats as setup by default by the PokerTracker program - but I have tweaked them to reflect the six-handed play that I prefer.
1. VP$IP (Voluntary Put $ Into Pot)
- This means that you chose to put money into the pot. You could have folded but you didn't. This differs from the "Flops Seen" stat as it doesn't count when you check as the big blind - but does count when you bet pre-flop, but are raised out and never see the flop.
2. PFR (Pre Flop Raise)
- How often you raise preflop.
3. AF (Aggression Factor)
- This is a complicated statistic. In summary, it adds up how often you bet or raise in all rounds, and divides by the number of times you check or call. So an aggressive player who bets and raises a lot has a high factor - while a calling station (weak player) has a low number. Note that the stat is not affected by folding (which is usually a more aggressive move than calling).

The Poker Animals
1. Psychopath (VPIP>55%, PFR>10%)
This is a more extreme version of the maniac - and is an animal that I invented because there are lots of them out there and they require special care. The psychopath comes into every pot - often raising. They will do well for a while but are quite capable of going broke at any time with almost any hand. Do not bluff the psychopath. Never. Never ever. And make sure you have topped up your bankroll so that when you do take out the psychopath you can fully double up.

2. Fish (VPIP>40%, PFR<6%, AF<2%)
The fish is the best player to battle against. They see lots of flops but rarely raise or bet. If you bet at them, they will just keep calling. The easiest type of player to read - because their bets do mean something and you can usually fold. The fish will be destroyed by good players.

3. Elephant (VPIP>40%, PFR<6%, AF>2%)
The elephant is similar to the fish - but is more aggressive in later rounds. A relateively rare beast - and I'm not certain how to best play them.

4. Maniac (VPIP>40%, PFR>6%, AF>2%)
If you play poker at all, you will encounter the maniac as I think this is the most common animal. And why not? Maniacs do pretty well against timid opponents and they have a lot of swashbuckling fun. Similar to the psychopath - just not as psychotic. Be patient against the maniac - do not try to bluff him. Trap him with a quality hand and try to take his entire stack. He loves nothing better than to outplay you and win a big pot with Queen High.

5. Gambler (VPIP>40%, PFR>6%, AF<2%)
The gambler is like the maniac in seeing lots of hands - but when he doesn't hit his hand he stops betting (while the maniac just keeps going). Curiosity gets the better of him in later rounds and he will frequently call with dreck. Probably the weakest of all the animals in my experience - I see gamblers lose heavily and often.

6. Time Bomb (VPIP 27-40%, PFR<6%, AF>2%)
The Time Bomb is a serious danger. They see a normal amount of flops, don't raise very often, but then get aggressive in later rounds. This is usually unexpected and can be painful to experience.

7. Calling Station (VPIP 27-40%, PFR<6%, AF<2%)
The Calling Station is a poker staple everywhere. Curiosity in poker does not pay well and the calling station is the best example of why. They are similar to the fish - but won't see quite as many flops. They won't raise or bet very often, but will chase flushes and straights. Beware their bets as they usually mean they have a made hand. They don't do well at all.

8. Decent (VPIP 27-40%, PFR>6%, AF>2%)
This player will see a normal amount of flops, raises a lot, and then plays aggressively. A good player who will usually do well.

9. Half-Decent (VPIP 27-40%, PFR>6%, AF<2%)
Similar to the decent player - but not as aggressive and he will chase more marginal hands. This is rarely a good idea and the half-decent player usually loses money.

10. Rock (VPIP<27%, PFR<6%, AF>2%)
The rock does well against weak opponents. They don't see a lot of flops, rarely raise, but when they do hit a hand will come out betting. Beware the rock.

11. Mouse (VPIP<27%, PFR<6%, AF<2%)
The mouse will survive. The mouse will not go bankrupt. The mouse will live on against good players long after the fish and maniac have been sent back to the sea. But the mouse will never make much money because he is too timid. The maniac laughs at the mouse, and the mouse mocks the maniac.

12. Cautious (VPIP<27%, PFR>6%, AF<2%)
The cautious player won't see a lot of flops but will raise good hands pre-flop. But they lack aggression in the later rounds and will chase when they should be betting or folding. Almost a good player.

13. Hawk (VPIP<27%, PFR>6%, AF:2-3%)
The hawk is a good player who won't see a lot of flops but will raise good hands pre-flop. They are moderately aggressive and will do well over time. But they could stand to be a little more aggressive - which would make them the best player of all - which I call...

14. Cat (VPIP<27%, PFR>6%, AF>3%)
I label the ideal player the cat - because it will eat the fish, mouse, and all the other animals and look good while doing it. The cat plays the correct number of flops (few) but will then be aggressive pre-flop and post-flop with their hands. They will bluff when necessary - and fold when beaten. A solid player all around. The symbol for the cat in PokerTracker is a small bag of money - which is what you will soon have if you can be patient enough to play like a cat. This sounds easy - but there are precious few cats (other than me) in my database.


So these are the animals: all 14 of them. Exhausting, isn't it? Oh - what's that you say? This is hogwash? Any type of animal can win so long as the player is smart? Surprisingly enough, that is mostly true. My database shows little correlation between monetary success and animal type: the most successful players I've seen are psychopaths - but all animals are represented at the top and bottom of the ladder. But before you feel too vindicated, do realize that this is a function of a small sample size (few opponents have played over even 200 hands against me). Over the very long term, solid play is rewarded - and the cat will take its rightful place at the top of the food chain.

Day 240: Ultimate Line Strategies

Ultimate is a fun game, what with the running, passing, sweaty camraderie, and aftergame beer/schnapps drinking. But one aspect of it confounds and confuses: Numbers. Numbers may appear pure and innocent, but they have the capacity to cause great mischief. And one number is more trouble than the rest: unlucky seven.

There are two dangers with Ultimate: "Too Many People" and its more common cousin "Too Few People". In the interest of the common good, let us consider how to best organize an Ultimate team with each of the various numbers. Most configurations except for 7 are quite easy - but are still worth going through.

Ultimate is played with 7 people on the field: 4 of one gender, and 3 of the other. As it is usually 4 men and 3 women (though it doesn't have to be), let us use this as our base.

MEN
It is useful to handle the men on your squad in a systematic pattern. There will be some who question your sanity and wonder why you have a crazy system set up. "I'll just come off when I'm tired," they may even say. But remember that these are the same men who sometimes stay on for five points in a row and then silently gripe after a lengthy stint on the bench about their limited playing time. No - it is better to fair, cold, and logical.

4: If there are 4 men, then there are no subs - and you all run around until you fall over. This is unpleasant - but is acceptable if you are playing a weak team. And everyone will get their chance to touch the disc.

5: If there are 5 men, there is just 1 sub - so this is very easy as well. You take turns being the sub, hopefully keeping the order fixed to avoid confusion. Alphabetical works well. Everyone will get tired in this format too - so hopefully you're playing an easy team.

6: I label this structure "Primary Colors". Imagine that our six men are Albert, Benjamin, Charles, Dexter, Elmer, and Fenton. Albert and Benny play together: they are "Red". Chuck and Dex play together: they are "Blue". Elmer and Fenton play together: they are "Green". There are 3 lines that will continually repeat:
Line 1: ABCD
Line 2: CDEF
Line 3: EFAB

7: This is known universally as "Magnificent Sevens". Seven is an awkward number as it shares no divisors with 4. So this is a pattern that repeats every 7 points. The key is that you are always on for 2 points - but sometimes off for 1 and sometimes 2. So for each set of seven points - everyone is on for 4 and off for 3. Let us add Gregory to our previous 6 men:
Line 1: ABCD
Line 2: CDEF
Line 3: EFGA
Line 4: GABC
Line 5: BCDE
Line 6: DEFG
Line 7: FGAB

8: This one is fairly easy too. I call it the "Four Winds". Like sixes, you have an eternal partner - but now you have two "evil opposites" who you never play with. Let us add Humphrey to the previous 7 men. This pattern repeats every 4 points.
Line 1: ABCD
Line 2: CDEF
Line 3: EFGH
Line 4: GHAB

9: Nine is too many guys. Send someone out to get beer for the team and then proceed under the system for 8.

WOMEN
It is also important to handle the women on your squad in a systematic pattern. It is true that women may be more resistant than the men to a devious pattern of mathematical modeling - but they also have to suffer through only 3 of them being allowed out at a time - and it is no fun to stand around in the rain, even if you are a girl.

3: In this setup there are no substitutes. Everyone runs until they are tired. And the women will also get to experience some brutish man yelling at them for being tired. It is far better to have a sub.

4: This is a simple setup with just 1 sub. The ladies sub off in turn - much like the guys did when they had 5.

5: It gets a little more complicated with 5 women. It shares no divisors with 3, so we will actually use a double-full rotation of 10 points. As always - you are on for two points - but like the "Magnificent Sevens" - you are sometimes off for 1 and sometimes off for 2. Let us consider our five women: Agnes, Bea, Charlotte, Dina, and Esther. This one is confusing because you can see that "1" looks the same as "4", and "3" looks the same as "6" - but they are not the same!
Line 1: ABC
Line 2: CDE
Line 3: DEA
Line 4: ABC
Line 5: BCD
Line 6: DEA
Line 7: EAB
Line 8: BCD
Line 9: CDE
Line 10: EAB
(Note: An inferior method was posted for 5 women previously.)

6: Well done - your team now has a full complement of women. You are doing something right. Now things get tricky. Things are easier for the men because the number 4 is so much easier to work with than 3 (because 4=2*2 - and lends itself to pairs). The best way to do it with six women is to always be on for 2, and then always off for 2. Let us add Fran to our mix. Note that this is not purely symmetric: AB always play together (as do DE) - but C and F have no eternal partner. This pattern repeats every 4 points.
Line 1: ABC
Line 2: CDE
Line 3: DEF
Line 4: FAB
(Note: An inferior method was posted for 6 women previously.)

7: For handling 7 women, I am tempted to use the earlier advice for 9 men and ask you send a girl out to pick up beer - but let us consider how we could do it. The best way is actually the inverse of the men's formation of magnificent sevens. Now instead of always being on for 2 - you are always off for 2. But in this setup - you are sometimes on for only 1 point! This is not so much a fault of the system - but is inherent because you have too many girls out (but wait till next week - I'm sure that you'll have only 2 or 3). Other systems involve staying on for 2 points - but then sometimes being off for 3 - but 3 points is an eternity. Let us add Gretchen to our roster and consider the lines.
Line 1: ABC
Line 2: CDE
Line 3: EFG
Line 4: GAB
Line 5: BCD
Line 6: DEF
Line 7: FGA

Conclusion:
So there you have the best strategy for line formations in Ultimate. The ideal number of people at a game is 6 men and 5 women.

Day 239: An Open Letter to Peter Wessel

The deadline for the Vancouver City Amateur falls this Saturday, June 11th at 5PM. The tournament itself is at McCleery/Beach Grove on June 25/26. Vancouver residents interested in joining me in the exciting competition of the BC Amateur at Gorge Vale beginning on July 12th should get their affairs in order and register for the Zone 4 qualifying tournament.

OK OK... this is directed at Peter. Get on it!

Click here to get your entry form. No time to waste.

Day 238: The Rise and Rise of James Lepp

Readers of past golf accounts will be my familar with my long and storied rivalry with Abbotsford's James Lepp of the Ledgeview Golf Club. Like Nicklaus and Palmer, our paths to golfing success have been similar yet distinct - and we have matched wits in golf's magnificent arena at multiple Ledgeview Amateurs and BC Amateurs. The battles were tough - with the best man prevailing and quick to offer praise to the worthy vanquished on a battle well fought.


James Lepp, winner of the 2004 BC Amateur

OK - this assessment may not be strictly true - as Mr. Lepp has won the last three BC Amateurs (and multiple Ledgeview Amateurs) and has never heard of me or my two lowly Missed Cuts in 2002/2003. Now - three consecutive BC Amateurs may be an impressive feat - but in the wide world of golf the BC Amateur is hardly a significant event - and I wouldn't be surprised if Mr. Lepp is not on hand at Gorge Vale this year to defend his crown. That is because this past weekend, he has taken a giant step up and won the individual title at the NCAA Championships. To put this accomplishment in perspective, let us look at some of the previous individual champions. The list has few lamesters and is littered with PGA Tour winners like Ben Crenshaw, Phil Mickelson, Justin Leonard, Luke Donald, Charles Howell, Scott Simpson, Hale Irwin, Tom Kite, Curtis Strange, Scott Verplank, Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus, and Jay Don Blake. And now James Lepp has joined their ranks. Can PGATour stardom be far off for Abbotsford's whiz kid?

But I hope that Mr. Lepp returns this July for one last BC Amateur chase against your humble correspondent. And who knows? Maybe I can hole 17 or 18 bunker shots and fairway woods and beat him? Anything is possible.

Day 237: I Shall Grind No More

As I sit in my cubicle, single-handedly doing the work of 10 lesser men, I pause in a cold sweat to consider plans and schemes for tomorrow after-work. Do I send out an email now announcing my non-grinding status - or do I wait until someone asks? Which injury do I blame for my non-attendance? What phantom plans should I concoct that prevent me from going to the base of that accursed mountain, wherein dreams are destroyed and bodies battered?

But no. I need not do this. The time for excuses has ended.

I do not want to grind.
I will not grind.
I shall grind no more.

Day 236: Don't Tap The Aquarium

Today we welcome warm sunny June and say goodbye to May. Goodbye May. Yes - yesterday marked the end of the month - a traditional time to add up one's gains and losses at poker and reflect on the performance.

I played far less poker in May than I did in April or March. This is not so much because I became disillusioned with the game (although I did), but rather a reflection on my busy schedule as the days grow longer and there is more to do and see.

I journeyed into May 31st slightly down(!) for the month, but I managed to pull the month out of the fire with a monster day (second best ever). I give some of the credit to a wonderful program that a former colleague of mine known as "The Duck" referenced for me. It is called PokerTracker and it analyzes your previous hands and also classes opponents based on their style of play. You know me - I love stats - and would enjoy the program just for the geeky analysis even if it didn't help my game. But it does - and I think it paid for itself in just one night. Armed with incriminating information on the style of my opponents from past battles (Are they passive? Aggressive? Solid? Fishy?), I was able to win some big pots and post a comfortable profit. I was also pleased that my style of play (solid) was identified with an icon showing a bag of money. Thank you Duck!

I also got inspiring news that said Duck qualified for the WSOP by winning a satellite tourney! Read the game that got him there at this link. To put it in perspective, this is far more impressive than that time I won $50 at a Sit'n'Go. It's a $12000 (US) package - all for Duckman - and I hope we see him on TV at the final table as he battles for the bracelet. When I told Peter of Duck's remarkable success, it would be fair to say he was not as enthused as I was - as Peter nurses dark memories of last year, when he was denied a spot at the WSOP in a qualifier through one particularly bad river card during his inglorious month of May.

I will close with one parting thought. Don't Tap The Aquarium. This is important.

When you're on a poker site playing against the local fish, the last thing you should ever do is point out other people's stupid mistakes and worry about your bad beats. I see people do this all the time (though they are usually fish themselves) - and I don't understand it. No! Comment constantly on luck, be nice, modest, and say "Nice hand" when someone beats you on a bad play. We do not want the fish to look in their mirror and suddenly notice their bright orange stripe, fins, and gills? No - the fish need to stay in the dark about how their poor play is paying your Hydro bill.

Encourage the fish to keep coming back to the watering hole. My cats need to eat.


Chance and Slippers love the taste of fish