Day 284: The Curse of Nothingness

On occasion, I am assigned a designation of being "lazy". On first and sometimes second glance, this appears true - but the truth is that I am far from lazy. I work hard at things I enjoy doing and never slack while I am working. I always get the job done and am consistently counted on as a "go-to" guy by the powers-that-be. Sometimes it is true that I can be spotted literally doing nothing - and for this I make no apologies. I am efficient during the periods I am working and well deserve the occasional break when times are slow. If there is nothing to do, I feel no need to pretend to be doing nothing.

For I have never been a believer in busywork. Some people always seem busy and are surrounded by a flurry of activity. But these people are simply insecure in their abilities, and if you scrape the surface, there is nothing important being accomplished. Give me a reliable eccentric over a mediocre worker-drone anyday.

But there really is nothing to do at work when your project has been cancelled. It's hard to even pretend to be working. Eight hours is a long time to sit in a comfortable chair doing nothing. The startling fact is that it is better to be busy at work than to be not busy yet subtly stressed.

Day 283: Fired Again?

"Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it."
- George Santayana

It has been a good six months of work since the last series of cutbacks, but today the corporate overseers announced that our product program (which was already sputtering) has been finally and irrevocably cancelled. No layoffs have been announced immediately, but we are back in the situation of scrambling to find jobs within the organization. The last time we went through this, most people did find work eventually - so an optimist would suggest that history will repeat itself and I will somehow land on my feet. But life offers no guarantees.

What will the future hold? Future uncertain - but certainly slight.

I hope everyone has a good day - and a better one than me.

Day 282: The Destruction of Grouse Mountain

These may be dark times for grind enthusiasts, but they are soon to grow darker still.

It has long been my dream to destroy Grouse Mountain, but in the absence of sufficiently powerful explosives, I have done the next best thing: I have removed the storied grind pages from this website. No more will we be able to reflect on past inglories - we must hereafter live in the here and now. The sad tales of those two imposters: triumph and disaster - have been purged. Let us celebrate their destruction!

This difficult decision was made due to separate inquiries by certain insurance company robot overlords, whose snooping has assumed legendary status. Though it seems highly unlikely to me that fictional stories of Slippers rescuing Gilman from a party of zoogs make for compelling legal evidence, the powers-that-be seem to feel otherwise, and so I am cleaning up the official records.

But do not be alarmed: the grind pages are simply being revamped and will return in full at some far-distant point. Upon their return, there will be no actual names used - only abstract pseudonyms. And once the associations of those pseudonyms are forgotten by a future race of men, then the grind histories will be lost - which is as it should be.

Day 281: Truly A Distinct Society

With the federal political situation now relatively stable after the failure of the Conservative attempts to derail the Martin Minority government, all attention stirs towards the second most important job in Canada: the premiership of Quebec.

Elected in 2003, Jean Charest now sits on the troubled throne, but his popularity is not what it once was. He is no longer the wunderkind we remember from 1995, and is viewed as yet another hapless politician: a soon-to-be yesterday's man.

The new wunderkind of Quebec politics is former PQ cabinet minister André Boisclair. He has been the frontrunner for the PQ leadership, now being vacated by the ineffectual Bernard Landry. As this next PQ leader will probably become premier, and will quite probably lead that province into a third separation referendum in 2010 (if Snowy's "15 Year Rule" applies), it must be agreed that it is an important position, and it is worth understanding the characters involved.


M. Boisclair hopes to make Quebec a foreign country.

So it's astonishing to consider if there is another place in North America where an openly-gay admitted-former-coke-snorter like Boisclair could become leader. Somehow I just don't see this happening in Wyoming. Of course, coke allegations have long dogged George W. Bush, and he was elected twice - but he would never have dreamed of admitting anything. Quebec is by far the most liberal part of Canada, so who is to say that his recent drug admissions will even hurt his cause? Still: it is a fascinating case study on assessing the public attitude towards harder drug use. Pot-smoking may be tolerated somewhat - but are we ready for a blow fanatic?

Truly Quebec is a distinct society - try watching a Quebec sitcom and not thinking this. I say "Vive la difference!".

But I hope that Boisclair and his PQ lose - for how can Canada win at the Olympics once we're deprived of all our Quebecois goalies?

Day 280: Are you sure you want to exit?

Many things in today's computer technological solutions bother me immensely - and I am bothered easily. One thing that frustrates me is the pointless pop-up box asking "Are you sure you want to exit?" when you want to exit. Newsflash: If I didn't want to exit, I wouldn't have exited. But I do want to exit, so I am exiting - and now you have a problem with me? Get over it. It's annoying to have to confirm one's exit each and every time you quit a tool that you use frequently. Note: I accept the "Hey - you are trying to quit and haven't saved your work" message as this is a reasonable savings of time and effort. But a lonely program that hates to see you leave? I can do without this. Please exit quietly and stop bugging me.

What are other things I hate? Co-workers who waste time patiently explaining how some awful tool or script could be improved. I agree - of course it can be improved. Pretty much everything can be improved by 300%-500% if someone takes the time and effort to look at it dilligently. So shut up already, go fix it, and let me get back to work.

Talk less. Do more.

Day 279: The Fearless Moth Killers

I had an enjoyable uneventful weekend resting at my house, winning a football pool (pending Monday night), and playing the occasional game of poker - both online and offline. Instead of my trusty old ring games, I've been playing more multi-table tournaments recently without very much success. Multi-table tournaments with 1000-2000 entrants are fun but can prove expensive. Unless you're some sort of poker duck, most of the time your money is simply lost as they only pay 10% of the entrants - and few of even those get the big paydays. For that you need to get a top ten and make the final table. But I have never made a final table (in 55 tries), so I have not made out like gangbusters.

So what's wrong? The answer... I play too tight! I intelligently limp into a position near the money most times, before I am inevitably eliminated on some bad beat. By refusing to take marginal chances and "be swashbuckling", I am forfeiting any chance at the top prizes and set myself up for only a modest payout at best. And this is no good. The only way to justify playing the multi-table tournaments is to have a supergreat finish every now and then. So I am revising my strategy - and time will tell if it yields dividends or sends me further into the poorhouse.

Anyways, after the excitement of a 21st place finish (out of 1360) in a 30$ MTT on Sunday - (tantalizingly close to the 1st prize payout of 8000$), I noticed a furious commotion in the vestibule. Slippers and Chance were staring at the heavens chirping away like madcats. The cause? An intruder moth was buzzing around the ceiling taunting them with feints and dashes. They scampered around the hallway chasing the moth - I even pitched in by batting it into motion when it stayed too stationary. Eventually the moth charged into a light fixture - but I was able to extract it with a couple taps. Now slightly singed, the moth flew into my room and Slippers leaped onto the bed to give chase. Chance, exhausted from the hunt, stayed in the doorway to guard the exit. The chase took a turn when the moth dashed behind my cabinet. I moved the furniture to give the moth a chance to escape - and it took the bait. The moth flew out into a waiting Slippers, who was more than ready.

Slippers cackled subtly, and then leaped onto it recording a quick kill. Slippers gobbled him up and then looked around as if to see what additional excitement there would be. But I had to tell him, "I'm sorry Slippers, but you've eaten your prey."

So Slippers and Chance took a nice nap. It had been a good day.


The Fearless Moth Killers

Day 278: In Sickness And In Health

No hostipals for me, thank you.

I have to admit that I enjoy work. It may be fun to dismiss the importance of work like a modern-day Dobie Gillis, but in reality I'm doing interesting things with a good group of intelligent people, am compensated nicely for my troubles, and I'm told periodically that I'm doing a good job. This is a good gig.

But life is not so good when you're sick. Eight hours can be an eternity when your head feels wrapped in gauze. I don't know the proximate causes of my current unwellness, but I suspect it's mostly psychosomatic. When you work hard and feel subtly stressed for too long a period (with infrequent sleep), eventually the body rebels and says "No more". This seems to be what is taking place.

But my body is not the boss of me and I will not be deterred. I choose to ignore its warning signs and shall work hard today nonetheless. Fake it until you make it. If you tell yourself that you are not sick, then you will get better.

Sickness is over, if you want it.

Day 277: Smoke Comes To East Richmond

These endless days are finally ending in a blaze

Today was a smoky day. The ongoing fire in the peat bogs of Delta is blanketing the heavens with pea-soup smoke. The smoldering Burns Bog is located just on the far side of the Fraser from where I work, and we are getting the worst of it here. It was difficult to read the street signs around the office this morning, and they encouraged everyone to go home! Sadly, I was too busy to take them up on the kind offer.

You could feel the smoke even while inside the building - I'd compare it to quickly inhaling two picks of Virginia Slims. Though you acclimatize to it, it is unsettling - and I hope the fire is out soon.

Day 276: Mark Calcavecchia, A Worthy Champion

Mark Calcavecchia Wins the 2005 Canadian Open

Mark Calcavecchia won the Canadian Open this weekend despite making only 1 birdie over the last 36 holes. His -5 total is a very high total for the PGA Tour nowadays (-20 is more of the norm) and I have to say "I like it" and "More please!". I wish they played tougher courses like this more often. The rough out at Shaughnessy was really snarly - very tricky to play out of. But those guys are good: many a shot that I would have whiffed or two-chipped, they flopped out nicely to 4 feet.

Having watched the last two rounds and seen many of the shots, I can say that if Mark had putted reasonably well, then it wouldn't have been close. Calc was on his game all week and is a worthy champion. He had some bad stabs at short ones but it was good enough to win.

I had a chance to watch the much-maligned Ben Crane play - and must report that I didn't notice anything unusually slow about him. Of course I say "unusually slow" because he was quite slow - but they are all slowwww out on the tour. Reallllly slowwwww. Those guys stand over putts for at least a minute every hole; glacial does not begin to describe the pace of a typical PGA tour round (at least when they play threesomes). But young Ben Crane is a great young player - with his strength in putting. Be sure to pick him early in next year's golf pool.

Ryan Moore was also impressive to watch. His swing seemed a little unorthodox with a "flying elbow" - but he's got a bright future ahead of him. Calgary resident Stephen Ames had a good gallery with loud support - but he seems like a diffident unlikable character - and I doubt he'd have much fan support in a battle vs. Mike Weir.

It was interesting to see so many names you recognize and observe how small or big they are in person. Jerry Kelly and Calc were both shorter than I expected, while Vijay looks even bigger in person than on TV. He's a big man that Vijay. A highlight was on Saturday when Peter and I watched Vijay practice after his round. I bet you wish you were there too!

My favourite moments came when watching the 4th hole on Sunday. It's a dogleg-left par-4 and these guys brutalized it. I watched the last 5 groups play (15 people) and only 4 hit the fairway (mostly the cagey old veterans) - with everyone who missed it ending up in the right rough or right bunker (except for Rory Sabbatini who dead-pulled it into a tree by the tee box and ended up in the creek just past the ladies tee). These guys worked very hard on killing their snap-hook tendencies (which is a death move for a pro), and as a result they had trouble pulling it off even for just one shot. But the snap hook is my go-to shot. Give me 72 holes like #4 at Shaughnessy and I could play the tour.

I am already looking forward to 2011 (the rumoured date of a return to Shaughnessy). But until then, we'll just have to enjoy the 84 Lumber Classic on TV.

Day 275: I'm So Bored With The USA

This is a big week in Canadian golf because for the first time since 1966 the Canadian Open has come west. Now being played at Vancouver's venerable Shaughnessy Club, the tournament has been reported to be "awesome to watch" by this blog's job-flexible onsite correspondent, PWes. I'm looking forward to heading out there this weekend and watching the likes of Jesper and Carlos battle it out on the tree-lined fairways of a beautiful old-style course.

The age old question: Jesper or Carlos?

But all is not roses here in Canada and a quick glance at this week's field shows why. Hmm - a lot of no-names - hardly befitting this proud championship. Vijay and Mike are here - but after that the field looks a bit sparse - not much different from those notoriously weak fields we saw at Northview during the ACC (Only 8 of the top 40 on the money list are here). No - Tiger isn't playing this week - and although it would be nice to one day see "Tigermania", he's notoriously lazy and we shouldn't shed a tear for the sleeping Eldrick.

What gives? Why aren't the players here? Are they tired? Are they hungry? Are they simply caught in traffic? No. The answer is rather obvious.

Americans don't give a hoot about Canada. There are occasional exceptions, of course, but as a rule - this seems to be the case.

So I will return their apathy! Who cares that the great American golfers didn't bother to come - let's instead celebrate those Americans and non-Americans who did. Let's instead follow local phenoms like James Lepp and Jay Snyder - or my old pro-am partner Adam Short (who's got off to a decent start). The scores are looking high - and over-par will make the cut. What's not to love?

This will be a memorable championship, even if Mickelson and his fat friends are parked on sofas watching the NFL season start instead of earning a paycheque. Let us cry them a river as we enjoy a great week of golf.

Day 274: At The PNE

This past weekend saw Labour Day come and go, marking the official end of summer. It has been fun again this year but we now settle into a bleak 7 months of dark rainy days, gray skies, and bouts with seasonal affected disorder. But before this inevitable back-to-school letdown, we had one last hurrah with that brightly shining yellow orb - a PNE weekend with the Andersons.

My sister Jenny, brother-in-law Darryl, and nieces Jade&Paige, journeyed to Vancouver for three days to stay at my apartment and visit the PNE. Already fans of local Victoria fairs, they were keen to see the big show - and were not to be disappointed. This was to be the first time they'd stayed over in Vancouver, and we were all excited about that. I offered the use of my bed to Jenny&Darryl; Jade&Paige slept on a rug at the foot of the bed, while I used my trusty air mattress. The sleeping arrangements worked out great.

On Saturday morning, I picked them up from the 9AM ferry, and we journeyed back to my apartment to drop things off, greet the cats, and enjoy a White Spot brunch. We spent the afternoon inside at Science World - which is a delight for all kids. We'd been there before and it was fun again. For dinner we ordered excellent Chinese Food (almond chicken and sweet/sour pork) while the kids enjoyed fast food from a nearby McDonalds. They settled in for an early night, while we watched a heavily chopped Unforgiven on TV.


Paige, Jade, and various animals sleep comfortably

Sunday morning arrived with torrential monsoon rains and we became concerned that the trip to the PNE might have to be postponed (which was a source of great consternation). But during a fine Kitsilano breakfast at Cafe Zen, the weather miraculously cleared and we managed a fun day at the fair after all.

After paying $10 to the grizzled private-parking-vendor-woman, we learned that Hi-5 was playing at that very moment inside the Agrodome! Jade&Paige are huge fans of their children's show (they owned a CD), so we found seats inside and grooved to their hits: including "Robot #1" and "So Many Animals" - which I was spotted singing under my breath the rest of the weekend.

After enjoying the impromptu rock concert, we ventured into Playland to explore the rides. Paige is only 5, did not meet the 48" height requirement for the big rides, and was restricted to the junior pass. Jade, though she has just turned 7, exceeded even the 54" maximum, and was eligible for all the rides - even the ones that I found far too scary. We initially bounced around the Junior Play Zone with Jade and Paige doing the kiddie rides - most of which were pretty impressive (e.g. Scrambler). We then all did a watery ride with slides and a canoe - and didn't get very wet at all. Then Jade decided she wanted to do the Hellevator. Coming from a girl that found Finding Nemo "too intense", I was a little surprised - but she and Jenny enjoyed the ride (she later proclaimed it "her favourite") and this action photo shows her enthusiastic smile upon the ride's completion.


Jenny and Jade exit the Hellevator

When Jenny, Darryl, and Jade went off to do the Corkscrew Rollercoaster, I was left behind with Paige to entertain her during the long wait. Paige was understandably upset at being left out of fun things for "being too small", so I entertained her by giving her piggyback rides and the like as we waited. We made our own fun that was even better than a boring rollercoaster ride!

Later on, Darryl and I earned stuffed animals for the kids by puncturing balloons with darts. The animals earned were Pinky the Pink Elephant, Ellie the Yellow Elephant, and Sealy the bedtime Purple Seal. After the PNE, we had dinner at White Spot, followed by watching the unbelievably awful and emotionally reprehensible film "Hide and Seek" starring Bobby DeNiro and Dakota Fanning. I know that DeNiro does bad films every now and then, but he should fire his agent over this stinker. I don't want to distinguish the film by commenting further on it, but one particularly pointless scene caused me to shed a tear in shock and go give Chance an extra big hug. There's a reason why pets never come to harm in horror films, you idiot filmmakers: you just cannot go there without upsetting many moviegoers. Those filmmakers clearly have serious emotional problems. Please avoid that film.

As for Chance and Slippers, they got along quite well with all the Andersons. Chance was delighted by the company and visited all of them at various times - even jumping on Paige at one time (though he is nearly half of Paige's weight). Slippers was relatively adventurous, proving mostly non-scared except for incidents with:
1) shoes stomping
2) velcro sandals

Monday was their last day in Vancouver, and after another Cafe Zen breakfast (which was a big hit) we decided to skip the planned Skytrain ride to spend more time at Stanley Park. I don't know if you've ever been to Stanley Park, but it is simply enormous. We spent most of our time at the Vancouver Aquarium - getting up nice and close to all the beautiful fishes. As my readers probably know, fish are a particularly virulent phobia of mine, and I wasn't looking forward to the Aquarium at all - but I was determined to show some strength for the kids. I was steelily gazing at a particularly loathsome group of fishlike sea creatures when Jenny walked up and said "Don't it just make you want to jump into the tank and swim away with them?" We enjoyed a good laugh over this as I realized that Jenny shares my horror with all creatures fishy, and was equally horrified by the life aquatic. Paige and Jade enjoyed it all immensely, as did Darryl, an aqua-devotee who had been there many times before.

We eventually escaped the fishrooms and enjoyed a show outside with the Beluga Whales. They are remarkable Arctic beasts, and performed a series of impressive stunts (e.g fin waving, noise making, and water splashing). Luckily, we were not splashed and escaped back to the 3PM ferry, marking an end to the Vancouver adventure.

It was a fun weekend for everyone, and I already look forward to visiting the fair again next year. But now it is autumn.

Day 273: The End of New Orleans?

"New Orleans is sinking and I don't want to swim"
- The Tragically Hip, "New Orleans is Sinking"

The proud city of New Orleans has been in modest decline for much of the past two centuries. By far the largest city in the Confederacy during the Civil War, N'Awlins is now but a modest-sized city in the American South. Miami, Atlanta and Houston, for example, are far larger.

But the extreme devastation (with possibly thousands of lives lost) from Hurricane Katrina coul seal the deal on New Orleans. As the Tragically Hip taught us in 1989, New Orleans has been sinking ever since they started damming the Mississippi centuries ago and stopped the periodic floods from supplying fresh silt to the delta region. Much of the city now lies below sea level, which is not a good place to be when a Category 5 Hurricane strikes. Parts of the city are now under 25 feet of water - and the water needs to be drained uphill into Lake Pontchartrain to remove it! This will make the pumping operations that much more difficult when the cleanup gets underway - and it will be months before the city is livable.

People will continue to live in New Orleans (of course), and the city (and its thriving tourist industry) will get back on its feet - but it's not going to be the same. People and businesses were already leaving New Orleans - and that process will only intensify as there are more and more reasons not to come back. And with more people leaving, this results in further economic decline, which results in more people leaving, etc. A vicious downward spiral lies ahead for The Big Easy, and no hidden army of Anne Rice vampires will be able to do much about it now.