Entry 88: Transnational Teamwork

Date: April 30, 2008
Weight: 195 pounds
Song: Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five - The Message

I recall attending a computer camp for a week up at UVic when I was in about grade six. My big project was typing in all the lyrics to this Grandmaster Flash song as a bunch of print statements and goto statements. My computer skills haven't progressed much.

Today was Pay Day. I like pay days. It's a holiday in much of the rest of the world tomorrow so it should be a slow day at the office. But I think we should have the day off too as a true gesture of transnational teamwork.

Entry 87: How Now Brown Ground

Date: April 24, 2008
Weight: 195 pounds
Song: Beck - Modern Guilt

Whatever plumbers make, it's not near enough. I've had problems with my kitchen sink before, but never in my bathroom. Well - no longer. My bathtub is backing up and the toilet is acting funny. If I flush it, I get a sickly ooze coming up the drain of the tub. This can't be good. I think I'll have to call the landlord.

Perhaps coincidentally, there is sewer work going outside my street. Could there be a connection? The worm is the spice?

Anyways, I face the prospect of showering in brown ooze tomorrow. Fortunately I always keep the bathroom in a "ready" state of disgusting uncleanliness so the transition will not be too severe.

I've now played five rounds of golf in the last six days. Though my battles with Mechlar are far from over, I feel that I am making progress. This will be a good summer.

Entry 86: A. P. Athy Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Date: April 22, 2008
Weight: 195 pounds
Song: Nirvana - All Apologies

I've been a very good mood lately and it can be attributed to my golfing. Not only is golf fun, but I'm effortlessly losing weight again. I am extremely confident that my form is rounding into shape for a nice summer run at KL4 and then the Uplands Club Championship. There will soon be 2 two-time winners at the Loop - you heard it here first.

Anyways I went and played an impromptu nine holes after work today at McCleery, teeing off at about 6:40pm. They ended up pairing me with a twosome so I wasn't able to zip around like I would have liked. The two chaps in my group were fast players (young guys - always 30 yards ahead of me), but unfortunately we were behind another threesome who were dead slow (with groups ahead of them too).

So we were only able to get in nine, whereas I had thought I might be able squeeze in a full 18 if it was empty (ha!). I can comfortably play 18 in about 2:10 if on my own - which would have taken me to the very limits of light.

I played the white tees to be social, but my game was very good and I was unlucky not to be under par. I drove it nicely, hit some good chips, and had no missed short ones. I was 1-over on the nine (bogeyed #1 and #5, birdied #3). I even made a sandy par on #9, hitting it to one foot with an actual sand wedge.

So life is good.

But one thing that has definitely come to my attention is the pace of play of the friends who I play with. It is completely unacceptable to play a round in almost 4:30 when you are not waiting for anyone, which is something that we did on Saturday.

Now I don't blame myself, and I don't blame Big J. I'm not entirely sure how it happens, but there are clearly dark and powerful forces at work that need to be countered.

So let's just please please play faster. I don't like being that guy in the foursome with people behind them waiting on every hole.

Entry 85: Darkness

Date: April 21, 2008
Weight: 195 pounds
Song: The Velvet Underground - Heroin

I'm in a dark place tonight. I would watch DVDs but my DVD player is broken due to an excess of dust preventing its "laser" from locating the disc correctly.

Everything went badly at work today. So many problems. It all seems very Sisyphean.

I have this feeling of watching faceless rich, happy people singing glad tunes while sipping cocktails and eating biscuits as they discuss important matters far above my station. Don't they know that it's my hard work that makes it all possible? Am I not the grease in the wheels that drives the bus that powers this information-based society! Yes, they know - but they don't care.

I am a pawn. I am a peasant. I have become all that I despise.

Entry 84: Has The Sun Run Passed Me By?

Date: April 20, 2008
Weight: 196 pounds
Song: Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run

Today is the day of Sun Run. Even as I type, runners are enjoying their post-race brunches at Denny's. They sit drinking their hot chocolates in crowded booths complaining of joint fatigue and leg pain, but they have accomplished something that we mere mortals have not. They have run 10 kilometres - not because they were chased, but because they chose to do it. But I am not among those feasting this year. No, I watch from the sidelines, thinking of journeying out to purchase a cinnamon bun. They are delicious.

I am content with my decision not to run because it would have been a disaster. But I am not content with my decision not to be in shape by late April. I have dropped the ball and I know it.

I enjoy running. It's a pretty straightforward activity. You start and keep running until you have to stop. How fast you go depends on your fitness and your willpower. How much pain can you tolerate? Now my willpower hasn't declined, but that's not enough these days, as my fitness is at a level near zero.

I have one ace up on my sleeve though. Golf. Golf may not be much, but it is all I do. So I'd best go play again. I played yesterday and I was horrible. I don't like being horrible at things. I want to be excellent.

Entry 83: I Will Never Be Clean Again

Date: April 16, 2008
Weight: 197 pounds
Song: The Vaselines - Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam

I have no clean clothes. The washing machine at my building was broken last Thursday, and the pile of sodden rags in the corner grew higher and higher all week, mocking me. But I have for some reason volunteered to attend a home poker game tomorrow instead of my utilizing my long-awaited laundry night. I will surely regret this decision come Saturday.

I suppose I have to go buy some socks at lunch time tomorrow - yeah that should solve the issue. But it will be get to get some warmup poker in before the PFI on Friday. I have been angry with poker for some time now and have abandoned its extremely hidden charms. But it is time to try again. What could possibly go wrong?

So I am going to try out my "extremely aggressive" strategy tomorrow: play the player - not the cards. I expect that things will go swimmingly.

Entry 82: Turn Out the Light

Date: April 14, 2008
Weight: 197 pounds
Song: Interpol - NYC

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein (attributed)

One day soon a light will go off in my head and I will decide that I want to get into shape. I know it will happen. I will be ready.

But for now, I wait.

Entry 81: The Happiest Days of our Lives

Date: April 13, 2008
Weight: 197 pounds
Song: Matthew Sweet - Divine Intervention

Congratulations to Trevor Immelman, 2008 Masters Champion, and to all the people who have in the Skulled Wedge pool. Only one person has a chance at a Skulled Slam now!

I won my match against Reg Sr. yesterday, so hooray for me - I'm through to the quarters. All the matches should be tough from here on in and I'll have to play well, but there's no reason why I shouldn't.

I took a training course last week which was actually mostly not too bad, and I had felt it did a world of good in fixing my frequently poor mental attitude. I think it even helped me yesterday. But the old demons certainly returned today and I found myself storming off the 18th at McCleery in disgust following a double bogey in which I had played towards the wrong green in the dark. As I sat at the Brick Oven Pizzeria I turned to Peter and said. "This is Masters Sunday. This is the best day of the year." But it sure didn't seem like the best day right then. What's wrong with me that I can't enjoy the good days? I sometimes have this strange ability to enjoy the anticipation of things more than the actual event itself.

So enough of that nonsense. I'm going to enjoy myself, my life, and everything in it, even the double bogeys. I might as well.

Entry 80: The Big Day

Date: April 12, 2008
Weight: 197 pounds
Song: John Lennon - Instant Karma!

Today is a big day in the SWUMP as I journey out to the wilds of Peace Portal to battle Reg Sr. Now many of you think that I have no chance, but I disagree. In fact this was a recent email from my dad:

11 Apr
You won low net (67) and $50 - congratulations.

Yes - that's right. I won Low Net in the Uplands Spring Opener with my best round of the year (a 73). Clearly my game is not as sickly as you think.

But what chance do I really have against my esteemed opponent, a member of the Greater Victoria Sports Hall of Fame? In this article, they refer to 1968 as the "twilight of his career". If that's the case, then what time of day is our match taking place at? Noon the following day, I guess.

Reg was a promising young baseball player destined for the majors before injuries caught up to him. He had this article written about him in 1950. Here he talks about the deadening of his arm and his upcoming teaching career.

But I was confused by the reference to "Reg Clarkson Sr. from Liverpool, England" and then "Reg Clarkson from Victoria", before I realized that Reg is talking about HIS father Reg. So Reg Jr. is actually Reg III!

“Pop could move,” Reg says proudly. “He was a pro sprinter in the old country.”

So in tribute to Oldest Tom Reg, we're going with a song straight out of Liverpool today. May you all shine on.

---

After a long chat Monday with larruping Cap outfielder Reg Clarkson, we asked: “Is there any special comment you’d like to record concerning yourself?”

“Yes,” Reg said eagerly, “there is. You can tell ‘em I’m very proud of my family.”

Entry 79: Requiem for Pants

Date: April 10, 2008
Weight: 198 pounds
Song: British Sea Power - No Lucifer

The washing machine is broken at my apartment building - on my laundry night. I have no clean golf pants. I guess it's time to go shopping.

Entry 78: Springtime at Augusta

Date: April 9, 2008
Weight: 198 pounds
Song: Dave Loggins - Augusta


Photo borrowed from this site

This is Lady Augusta Caroline Crofton (1839-1928). The photo was taken in the 1870's at Mote Park in Ireland. Her older brother was Francis George Crofton (1838-1900) and is my great-great grandfather.

Francis clearly also liked the name Augusta as he married a woman named Emily Augusta Caulfeild. Now it was not a pure coincidence that his wife and sister shared this name as they were second cousins, and I suspect were named after an even earlier Augusta Crofton, my great-great-great-great-grandmother.

Interesting - I just discovered that my Auntie Dor was also named Augusta (Source: this link). What a fascinating world we live in wherein I can learn my cousins' middle names via the internet.

The point with this quick look backwards is that if I ever happened to have a daughter and suggested that she be named "Augusta", then you need to understand that it is an old family name and has nothing to do with the Masters.


Speaking of the Masters, I'm taking a "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" training course at work this week so won't be able to spend all day on masters.org as would be the norm. Now what kind of effective person fails to remember when the Masters is when booking training? What a stupid I am.

Entry 77: End

Date: April 3, 2008
Weight: 197 pounds
Song: The Doors - The End

I think Tiger has a good chance of winning the Masters this year.

Discuss.

Entry 76: The Pit of Despair

Date: April 2, 2008
Weight: 197 pounds
Song: Black Sabbath - Paranoid

I am still in a state of sadness, unease, and paranoia after a truly disappointing and existentially significant Canucks loss yesterday. The pain is now tinged with a touch of resignation. The season may end tomorrow!

Entry 75: All Is Night

Date: April 1, 2008
Weight: 196 pounds
Song: Mercury Rev - The Dark Is Rising

I am in a state of sadness, unease, and paranoia after a truly disappointing and existentially significant Canucks loss today.